A year after the loss TW: loss, ectopic, new pregnancy

Today is a day that a year ago really changed my life and outlook on when to start having children. I had gotten the implanon bar out of my arm in the December beforehand and got straight on to the pill.

I had pain that I ignored for over a week before giving into my pain and going to the hospital. I was pregnant but didn't know it at the time. Once I found out I knew right away something was wrong and that I'd lose the baby. Sure enough after the ultrasound it was confirmed my biggest fear, it was ectopic and I required immediate surgery. After a rush to the ambulance, and up to a hospital set up for surgery, I had little to no time to process what was happening. My partner of three and a half years wasn't even there with me. Why because Australia and the world was in the most unknown times of the COVID pandemic. When I woke from the operation I tried to be in high spirits when the nurses and doctor were around but it became hard when they shove you in the women's maternity ward where all around you women are bringing life into the world. I had just lost my baby and the tube that my baby had decided was where it wish to start growing.

The doctor said it could become difficult to have a baby again and while the remaining tube and ovary looked next to perfect having it happen once quite easily could mean it could happen again. Man I was terrified to even want to try in the future for a baby knowing I could go through it all again and then lose the ability to naturally conceive.

My partner and I decided the best option for us was for me to stay off birth control from then on to allow my body to self regulate my periods (while I had the bar I had no period and it never regulated in the months I was on the pill) and to give myself a break from medication.

We never tried actively for a baby from the April 2020 to September 2020, but sure enough after a missed period I was pregnant with our rainbow baby ❤️ nerves and stress played a factor in the first couple of weeks, between the first ultrasound that confirmed baby was in my uterus (yay!) And then a few weeks later when it was confirmed there was a strong heartbeat.

I'm now 28w2d with a happy and active little baby (hope to find out the gender tomorrow!) I still stress even after getting through the 12 weeks milestone and the 24 weeks milestone that something could go wrong. But I'm so grateful and happy to have a chance to nurture this baby and watching my belly grow as they grow.

One year on I'm 12 weeks away from my due date of my rainbow baby ❤️