Hi

I’m 19, I’ve had a lot to deal with these past few months. I suddenly lost my close friend and my sister within a week of eachother. My whole family is still grieving, and it’s not easy.

I’ve been in therapy, and I’ve been doing well ! My therapist says I’m extremely mature and smart. I believe I grew up early as a result of my childhood, but I am grateful to have learned things at such a young age.

My parents are in their 60s. My grandparents are in their 80s. It’s tough to be so young and watch your family get old. I have 3 older sisters, including the one who passed away. None of them have children. I want my grandparents to have great grandchildren. I want my parents to have grandchildren. I am nervous that I will lose someone else in my life, and I can’t bare it.

The idea of becoming pregnant is so scary to me, but I know for sure that being a mother would make me so so happy. I know it would make my family happy too. My grandparents deserve a great grandchild snd my parents need something like a baby to make them happy again. I would never do anything to risk myself getting pregnant, but my boyfriend and I both agreed that if it were to happen, we would step up and be able to handle parenthood at this age. I’m now scared that I actually may be pregnant, but I doubt it. I just put it in my head a lot. I have a big big feeling like I will be pregnant at a young age. Just intuition.

Is it wrong of me to hold on to this feeling of pregnancy though ? I feel like I have a hole and a baby would be so amazing for me right now. That child would be my entire life. I know for a fact that I am just made to be a mother. I know I am young and it is in my best interest to wait, but I just have such an intense feeling like I need this. I need a baby. Something to take care of and <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">nurture</a>. My boyfriend’s uncle just had a baby, and that baby and I connect. He’s 4 months old and I just feel such a deep feeling whenever I hold him. I’m amazing with babies. I calm him down so easily and I know how to make him laugh.

Maybe this is just because I am getting older and my hormones are a bit crazy. I am almost 20.

Please be respectful, this is just me venting.