I dont know why i do this

My husband and i have horrible fights, he is verbally abusive, says really nasty mean things. I usually leave and stay with my mom. But after a day or two i miss him so much and i start to feel its not a big deal what he did and that maybe i was at fault and pushed him to do this and that. Then i start to worry that he may move on so now i want to go back home 😭😭 its not healthy i know but i dont know what else to do. Last fight, the police were called. He grabbed me, didnt hit me but he rip my jacket and i scratched him trying to get him off me. He has been trying to talk to me the past few days. We have a baby together to i stay in contact really short. The other day he completely stopped talking to me, now i want him back. I dont know