So I’ve recently been diagnosed with pcos and it’s really affecting my relationship.. I’ve gained so much weight, I have a fucking beard and my sex drive is completely gone. My bf and I have been together over 2 years now and he’s been kinda ok about it, except for the fact that he just complains about us not having sex ALL the time.. I’ve said that Idk what to do since I’m always fucking dry and rarely WANT to have it, but I feel like he just doesn’t understand.. I usually have to force myself to do it once or twice a month for him to shut up about it but he’s constantly trying to touch me and when I say no he whines about how desperate he’s getting.. I’ve been r**ed so the constant touching triggers me so fucking hard, I get so anxious..

I know this isn’t normal, and I think I want to leave him, the problem is I don’t have any support around me and I love him so I want to be with him at the same time.. My mother is abusive so I cut ties with her in January, my father has a new family and rarely talks to me bc I’ve been through too much shit so it’s too upsetting for him to talk to me apparently, all my friends are friends with my bf since childhood so I can’t talk to anyone about how I’m feeling. I have no one. I don’t have a job bc I never got to finish school bc of my mom, so I have no money either. I’m in school but since I’m so depressed I currently get no money bc I’ve been on sick leave for too long.. I’m so depressed I want to die, but at the same time I just want to get out of here. But since I can’t drive or take the bus anywhere I’m stuck at home all the time. Without my bf I can’t even go to therapy bc it’s like 15 km (~25 miles) to the nearest therapist. I don’t know what to do with my life. I hate my body for not working. I hate everything. I just wish I could call my mom, even though I’m 23 years old.

I’m sorry, I just had to get this off my chest. I feel like I’m going insane..