Am I a bad mom?

Question

I’m 24 years old, with a 3 year old. I just graduated with my bachelors degree which is a huge accomplishment! I divorced my ex two years ago and since then, my daughter and I have been living with my parents. They are amazing and have helped me more than I could ever thank them for. While getting this degree they always supported me. I plan to continue school and get my masters, while working full time. I also want my daughter and I to have our own place in a new city (fresh start) that’s about 1.5 hours away. Would it be selfish of me to move out first, get a place, work/be in school for a FEW months before I bring my daughter there? She’s comfortable and well taken care of at my parents. The only concern I have is lack of time with me but I’ll still spend my weekends and call/checkup as much as I can with her. I’m just scared of moving and everything being too new and overwhelming at once. I’m trying to do better in life but baby steps I guess. My parents also say they rather this than me having to put her in daycare while I work etc.
I’m working hard to give US a better life. So please consider that before you say I’m choosing school and work over my child. If I didn’t work, we would be nowhere and she would have nothing..I will never let that happen.

Answer

Thats a great option considering your parents are on board. Anything you can do to better yourself to provide a better life for you and your daughter is a good idea. Make trips home every weekend and call every Night if possible. It will be challenging but I think the pros outweigh the cons. She is in a loving home with her grandparents and she will understand when she is older why you chose to do that. I say go for it. It will be so hard. I'm sure. But it's a great arrangement because the cost of daycare is astronomical (at least here where i live)

Answer

Eh to each their own. I personally would rather get a temp job and stay living with my parents (of course paying rent) and work on school before leaving my kid for a few months.

Answer

I did that 🙋🏻‍♀️ It was for 2 months. I was in your exact situation and I don’t regret it at all. It’s not selfish because you’re doing it for your child. Not just for yourself.

Answer

Im sorry but that Is just so wrong how can you just leave her their to get yourself settled ? She needs her momma too don’t be Surprised If by the time you get her back she’s gonna be cranky around you , I could never be away from my baby for even a few hours while I was at work it was hell for me I would run home to her 😭 idk everyone’s different but you sound pretty selfish for wanting to leave her their

Answer

Its not a “bad” idea, but your hoping you’ll be “less busy” but that will never happen.. busy-ness is all part and parcel of life now, and you might get pretty “comfortable” with a flow and then if your introduce your daughter later, there will be growing pains and schedule changes and that might be more hassle then just taking her with you now... if its just for a couple of months, can you ask your mom or dad to come to assist for the beginning?

Answer

i would rather be struggling with my kid than leave them behind, as someone whose parents did this, i know your kid will be taken care of and all but it doesn’t matter. it’s not the same as growing up with a mom, my siblings who were also left behind (since i was 4 and they were younger and one older than me) they still resent my mom for it even though we were well taken care of and everything was provided for us. because of that, i would never do that to my kid.

Answer

I think its a great idea. Your daughter will be taken care of while your trying to do better for the both of you. Moving is going to be really hard. You seem like you are on the right track. You can't take care of your daughter,  if you don't have stuff together yourself first.

Answer

How long are you talking? Years?. I dont see it as selfish. I see it as a seed being put into the ground to develop into something greater. Youre trying to get yourself into a position of independence and your child will be with people who love and care for it.

Answer

Definatley not a bad mom! My mom left me and my brother with our grandparents when I was 3 and he was 1, (she was 22 at the time) to move to the UK and settle in, we didn't see her for a whole year because its a 3 hour plane flight she could not afford to keep taking. When she finally got us here to be with her, we held no resentment, we were just happy to be with her. Your daughter will miss you, but she will be in safe hands and it'll be a little easier for you to get everything in place, take this opportunity and do her proud! To this day I'm still very proud of my mom for taking those steps. Good luck!

Answer

I definitely don't think you are a bad mom or parent. However I think to some extent you may be placing more importance on things or opportunity than the connection or relationship with your daughter. Of course children benefit from opportunities and experience but nothing will replace the precious time with a parent especially while young. 
I also appreciate you and your parents wanting her to stay with family rather than spending so much time in daycare with less individual attention. 
It is just as parents, we don't really get to set our children aside because it is all too much even for a few months. I see your struggle. I guess if it were me personally I may most want to evaluate my desire to move for a new beginning with the idea of maybe staying near your parents longer, because they have a connection with your child too and could continue helping, but still being able to spend as much time with my child as possible.

Am I a bad mom?

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