This happened several years ago when I was 15, I was at my house playing Plants VS Zombies on my computer in the living room while my male cousin who was 3 years older then me was visiting. It was 2am and we were the only two awake in the house and I felt bad that I wasn’t interacting with him much and just focused on my game so I offered for us to watch a scary movie that I enjoyed, he said yes but that he had to do something first and went outside for a few minutes so while I waited I got a blanket and put on the movie and waited on the couch for him to come back. When he did I noticed he smelled heavily of weed and it made me a bit uncomfortable because I never liked that stuff but I let it go because a lot of people in my family smoke it well I was underneath the blanket and started the movie. He came and sat right beside me so we were touching and he got underneath the blanket too and I was uncomfortable with that but let it go because I knew the house was a bit chilly. We were probably about 15 minutes into the movie when I noticed that he had put his hand on my knee and my leg started to shake because something didn’t feel right and I don’t know why it was so stupid but all I did was act like I was asleep, I was scared and didn’t know what to do. He then unbuttoned my pants and started to finger me. I never fought back or said no, I just pretended to be asleep. After a while I guess he was done and went to the bathroom for a few minutes and then went to leave and he stopped at the door and said goodnight and called me the nickname he gave me when we were toddlers and left. I just remember crying after that and being ashamed that I didn’t even try to stop him. Even now I still think about it and panic. I finally talked to someone that I trusted about it and they said that it doesn’t qualify as rape because I let it happen but I don’t know, I feel like I was raped, I even bled quite a bit because I guess he had scratched me. It was my first ever sexual experience and I hate it so much. I don’t trust men and I still have nightmares about it.