Hi.. I’m posting this anonymously Because I’m super embarrassed that life is going the way that it is.

First off, I hate my career…I’ve been in hairdressing for about a year and some change now, it sucks. I feel like I’m

Not even good at it and I feel like I’m wasting my time with it.

My student loans start up next month and I’m afraid I won’t be able to afford them at all. That’s scary because I don’t want to go into default.

But what’s hurting the most is my boyfriend. He’s on vacation with his family (he’s 30 and I’m 23) and he’s acting like he doesn’t even miss me and tells me about all the pretty girls and how he got offered a blow job on the beach and how he’s been flashed and girls are constantly flirting with him in tight little bikinis.

I have severe depression and anxiety, my birth control made me gain weight, I stress eat, I emotionally eat, we haven’t had sex or talked about sex in 2 weeks. I feel alone, I feel like he doesn’t find me attractive. On top of the fact I had an early term miscarriage about 3 weeks ago and I’ve had nobody to talk to about it.

He called me today and I got all excited for him to bring up me going back to the gym and to show me that he was at the beach.

I was having a depressive episode last night ( still am this morning and today..?) and he sent me a text saying “ I spent a lot of my life sad I’m not going back to that. We need to continue to work on our goals.” And I know that it was probably him trying to be helpful and uplifting but all he talks about is going to the gym and me loosing weight that I’ve gained since we started dating and how other girls look and I feel like the fattest woman on earth.

I’m trying to get back on some sort of medication to help but it’s gonna take time and I’m struggling at work and I just feel like I’m crumbling and that he’s gonna leave me as soon as he’s back home.