Mental health 😩

So awhile I just started thinking about how if a doctor diagnosed me with one of these things it wouldn’t surprise me.I know I shouldn’t self diagnose myself with anything but I’ve done a bit of research on the 2 and thinking about going to get see if it’s possible I am dealing with one of these once I have health insurance. I’m just curious if anyone else has these things and might be able to read what I’m going through and let me know I’m not alone and maybe help me a little more and figure out if there’s a chance I’m dealing with one of these. Some of the things I deal with are

Intense mood swings. I get very irritated/flustered/frustrated very easily. One moment I can be the most happiest person and then the next minute I’m angry. I’m irritated or sad or whatever. Sometimes it can be something serious that can cause these feelings and other times such little things can cause me to get these intense mood swings.

I’m very unstable with jobs and friends and sometimes even relationships. Even family at times. One minute I’m so happy with everyone around me the next I’m mad or upset and I feel like the world is out to get me. I think that they may eventually hate me and want to leave me. I can’t keep a steady job because something irritates me and then I want to leave and think everyone there hates me or does not want me there. It’s hard for me to have stable friends and relationships at times

Sometimes I make very impulsive decisions. Drinking until I’m so miserably sick. Knowing that I don’t feel good anymore but wanting more to drink and continuing it, unprotected sex, smoking cigarettes, knowing I need to limit my money but impulsively blow my money. Not impulsively buy one thing but will spend tons and tons of money.

Self harm is a big one. Finding little ways to self harm. Drinking too much, picking at nails and lips until bleeding, swollen and sore, and other self harm things.

Dissociation. I noticed that when I get stressed I dissociate from myself. I can be in room full of people I love and sometimes I almost like zone out I guess is the best way to describe it. Overwhelming thoughts take over and it’s almost like I’m suddenly not there. I hear everyone around me talking but I’m not fully there to comprehend what’s going on around me and sometimes this can last a good minute until I realize I’ve completely dissociated and come back to things.

My self image is like a roller coaster. I love myself one minute and other I hate the way I look and precise myself.

My list can go on honestly