Why am I so jealous ?

Question

I’ll start off by saying I have a really good boyfriend. In the best relationship I could ask for and he is NOT a cheater. We have been together for 3 years and I whole heartedly trust him. 
However , I can’t figure out why I’m so jealous and how to deal with it :/ 
I check his phone all the time (I know. I know. I shouldn’t be I do...). I have never seen anything in his phone ever. Like I said before he is definitely not a cheater and doesn’t even have a lock on his phone. He has nothing to hide. 
When I was pregnant with my daughter I was on bed rest and we couldn’t have sex for 6 months. He never even mentioned it or anything. He took care of me when I came home from the hospital and never pressured me for second or anything. 
One night during my 6 week wait after the baby he started acting a little strange. He disappeared for about 30 minutes upstairs and came back with a guilty look on his face. That night I went through his phone while he was sleeping and found porn. He was clearly jerking off upstairs while I was downstairs with the baby. 
My first reaction was to be mad, but realistically it had been 6 whole months since we had done anything. What the hell did I expect? Even tho I knew that I still felt jealous of the girls he was looking at. That’s stupid I know. 
After the 6 weeks were over we had sex A LOT! like 3-4 times a day. & that’s not easy with a newborn lol 
I wanted to make up for lost time and to make sure he didn’t have to watch porn and jerk off anymore. 
Fast forward to today....
I’ve been on my cycle for about a week. So we haven’t had sex in a bout a week. I’m not opposed to having sex on my period it’s just messy and I feel like a week break isn’t terrible for us. & as soon as it’s over we can go back to having normal sex. 
Well today he was in the shower getting ready for work and I walked by the bathroom. I knocked and waited then opened the door when no response.....he was watching porn and jerking off. He doesn’t know that I saw him but I just feel so weird about it. 
I know it’s not real and it’s better than him cheating but I just feel so jealous and upset. Like you couldn’t even wait one week?😞😞
Idk ....is this normal?

Answer

You should look into counseling. Behaving this way is toxic but you recognize it. You need to move forward so you don’t drive a wedge in your relationship

Answer

I think it’s completely normal, porn is always over rated and the girls in them are ascetically fake so no normal girl could compare in comparison unless you get fake boobs ect to compare...
Jealousy is completely normal emotion but it comes a point we’re if you hold the person to tight you’ll squeeze them to death and it can become over bearable for them were it has the complete opposite effect your trying to achieve.
I think he’s clearly not cheating and obviously loves you and respects you and he’s only human so if he jerks off to porn that shouldn’t be a big deal in my opinion. 
I know you said it’s only a week but you need to o understand that self masturbating is completely normal and you can offer a man all the sex in the world but if he feels like getting himself off you can’t do anything to prevent that 👍🏻

Answer

Do you have any trauma from past relationships? I’d stop looking at his phone and see a therapist about it because that isn’t healthy. You shouldn’t be regularly checking his phone like that and I’d even talk to him about it and tell him to put a passcode on it. You cannot have a relationship without trust. You say you trust him, but you clearly don’t.

Answer

I think the bigger issue here is you are struggling with some self esteem/confidence issues that some counseling may help you overcome. A new baby and the demands will mean a lot of changes and not getting help for the unwarranted jealousy you're experiencing will make a successful relationship and the joy of the time with your new baby difficult.

Answer

Its normal not to like porn. So on that front, I can agree. 
It's not healthy to be such a snooper. He has given you ZERO reason not to trust him so the fact that you continue to snoop isn't healthy. You should consider therapy to work through this issue. Past trauma or relationships maybe causing this behavior? But you need to stop that. It will take some time and therapy or counseling to work through it.
Masterbation (porn aside) is healthy, it's normal and it shouldn't be something to cause jealousy.  UNLESS it directly interferes with your sex life or other aspects of your marriage. Like if he is choosing to masterbate over sex, that's an issue. But hey, him masterbating because you haven't had sex in a week shouldn't be an issue. It's healthy and normal. 
Speak to him about how you feel about all of this. It sounds like he is a great guy and I'd hope you can talk openly about how this makes you feel. You're not crazy. Just need some work. We all do. So don't be ashamed and the fact that you already recognize some of these unhealthy behaviors is a good start.

Answer

He sounds like a great partner in a lot of ways, he seems to respect your body and feelings pretty well & seems trustworthy...
You on the other hand, are struggling with serious insecurities and even paranoia, since you know there is no real reason to be suspicious of your partner, but you still cannot trust him enough to respect his privacy. 
As far as the porn, I think even normally confident people can feel a bit threatened by it once confronted with it like that, but it's really nothing against you & doesn't seem like a threat to your relationship even a little bit! 
Your sex life sounds quite healthy and active- 
The only real threat is your insecurity, so I would consider focusing on that.

Answer

It’s definitely never a comfortable situation when you catch your SO masterbating. Like the other comments said, as long as he’s not choosing it over having sex with you I think it’s okay. It’s human nature to pleasure yourself. You may not do it but it’s very common in men even if they have a SO. some men have a really high sex drive and if you’re not having sex while on your period, I’d say a week is quite some time for a man to go without relieving himself. I used to hate the fact that my boyfriend does but I’m just like over it. He still pursues having sex with me so I don’t see it as an issue.

Why am I so jealous ?

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