Depression during pregnancy (6ish weeks)

TRIGGER WARNING (all of them)

I cant stop crying and im feeling hopeless. Am I alone? I wanted this baby so bad and now im pregnant and I feel like im broken. Like this baby needs a better mom. I feel like I should just have them, give them to the father (we are healthy and very much so in love with one another) and give up with my daughter (different father, abandoned us after getting her removed from my custody by CPS for his treatment of her and chaining me to the kitchen and beating me). I dont remember feeling this sad during my first. I know every pregnancy is different but I feel just broken this time. I just dont understand how I went from being so happy with my first to just angry and depressed this time and I cant take depression medication (I've been on 8 different ones, they all affect me negatively, thats when my psychiatrist changed me from having depression and anxiety to just anxiety)

I had a miscarriage in January (please don't say anything about this being a rainbow baby, I feel that is a negative impact on my child as it makes them a "replacement" for the one I lost earlier this year) and I get false positives but this one was confirmed by a doctor. I have anxiety, ocd, and ptsd. So I get those might have a factor on it but its almost like I shouldn't have it. Im not happy im crying all the time and if I get depressed enough I find myself looking up facilities to terminate (I dont want to but it does bring some comfort knowing I have the option still) im on medical cannabis but since I stopped smoking it it doesn't seem to help anymore.