I need to vent before I explode

I am a SAHM of two kids and my husband is also a SAHD because he is disabled. His disabilities do not prevent him from doing light house work and picking up after himself though. I’m tired of us moms being responsible for the care of the kids and the laundry, and food shopping/preparing meals, and all the cleaning and it being normalized by so many people. I see so many posts on apps for moms to connect about their husbands and boyfriends doing absolutely nothing to help with the cleaning and being slobs. I see it from SAHM, but also from moms who work full time just like their partner but are still expected to do everything around the house while the dad gets to completely relax once home from work.

It’s insane. I don’t understand it at all. I’m putting it up to it’s how they were raised? I know generally growing up boys are expected to do less around the house than girls. (Not always the case I know) and modern families are changing this too but there are soooo many men who just expect their wives and girlfriends to play mommy to them and will actually say something to them about the wives being in the wrong for not doing everything.

My husband does absolutely nothing. The only things he does is when I nag him over and over and that’s doing stuff with our children too, he changes no diapers, no baths, I do the bedtimes every night, get up during the night with them, and then get up bright and early with them every morning while he sleeps in. If I wake him up early with me he’ll mope around and just ruin our morning so that I won’t wake him up again. He’ll be short with our kids so I won’t ask him to interact with them. He’ll play with our son for short bursts without being asked but it’s all about him and will only do games he enjoys too. I was so hoping that kids would make him change. It makes me so sad that my beautiful children have such a lazy, angry, selfish father. He cheats, lies, and is just generally an awful husband to me. I caught him recently talking to his ex again behind my back and when confronted he always gaslights me and says “you’re crazy I didn’t do anything you’re just delusional and no one will believe you” I showed him the screenshots I took of their convo and his response always is “why are you so obsessed with my ex?”

I wouldn’t even know her name or gaf about that girl if he didn’t constantly bring her into our relationship. I know I made the choice to have kids with him. Both of our kids got through two methods of birth control and because of that I believe everything happens for a reason but it is just really hard day to day knowing I am tied to this man for life because of our children. I just needed to vent. I talk to no one about this because when I have he’ll immediately contact the person and say I’m a liar and obsessed with his exes and that I make it all up. I’m mentally exhausted you guys. I’m sooooo thankful to be a mother. I love my kids with all my heart I just wish I had a partner who felt the same way.

He is very manipulative and didn’t start acting like this until I was pregnant with our first. I’m disappointed in myself and blame myself a lot for not leaving him when I found out I was pregnant with our first. Now it’s going to be so much harder to be a single mom with two little ones in tow. He’s made comments on how having kids has made my body change and “why do some women look great after kids and some don’t..?” While staring at my body 🙄

He hasn’t kissed me since I got pregnant with our second and had to start asking him to pretty much take over most of what I normally do to care for our other child and the house. He is always angry, glued to his phone and always has headphones in. I have to repeat myself 4 times before he’ll look up and say “omg what??” He changed the passcode to his phone after getting caught talking to the ex a couple days ago.

I’m pretty sure they’ve been talking for weeks now. I’ve never done anything to this man. I’ve never cheated, lied, nothing. He’s such an awful person I’m discovering just how awful day by day. I know I need to leave. I know I know I know. It’s just getting it all figured out. He recently said he’s going to start going to the gym. I almost had a heart attack from anger when he said it. He won’t lift a finger around the house, won’t even pick up our oldest child because they are “too heavy” yet I carry them around all day and pick them up whenever they ask, but he wants to go work out to look better for his ex. I can’t y’all.

That shows how his mind works. He will only do something if it gives him some kind of benefit. To him cleaning does not benefit him because he is honestly comfortable living in filth. He doesn’t care for our kids because he finds it boring. Yet he’ll post photos of him and them on Facebook saying shit like “my kids are my number one priority!” And his family will all comment saying what a wonderful dad he is and how lucky the kids and I are that we have such wonderful man in our lives and I just die inside when I see it.

His family hates me because he constantly lies to them about me. Says HE does everything around the house and that I lie and cheat. If you’ve ever heard that liars project what they do onto others, it is 100% true. It also bothers me so much that I will have to be a working mother(only because I always dreamed of being a SAHM until my kids started school) and be away from my kids while at work, while he will be able to be at home with them all day and that his ex will play mommy to my children.

I’m sorry this is so long. Sometimes I just need to let it out before I explode.