Please read

So I am going to be having an elective C-Section for a few reasons.

1. I have a long history of gynae problems including a narrow vagina and vaginismus. This means an assisted delivery or an induction is a no go for me. Also concerned about how the midwife will preform any sort of cervical checks if my vagina muscles are spasming? I know you can have an epidural but surely a cervix check would be done before an epidural is given.

2. I recently had an ECG test done that showed an abnormally high heart rate (109 when I was just in the drs office doing nothing). My dad died young of a massive heart attack so my concern is that my heart won't cope with the stress of labour if it was already too high when doing nothing.

3. I had to be monitored 2 weeks ago as the baby had a heart rate of 180 (shouldn't be higher than 160). Worried that in labour the baby's heart rate will go too high and they will have to preform an emergency C-Section.

I feel as though an elective C-Section is safest for both me and the baby. Saying that I also feel as if I'm not giving birth or 'taking the easy way out'. I feel like less of a mother before I even have my baby in my arms because of my mode of delivery because I know I didn't even try a normal birth. Has anyone else experienced this feeling? Deep down I know it's best for us both but I can't help feel like I'm missing out on a 'true birth experience'.