Y’all I just need to rant. This might be a bit long but I need to get it off my chest.

I feel like my marriage is failing.

We’ve been together seven years, married for almost 3 years. We have an almost two year old daughter. She is literally the light of my life. Our marriage has been unhappy for quite a while now and I assumed that a big portion of that was living where we used to live. So I agreed to pack everything up and move across the country to try to experience somewhere new. Needless to say things haven’t gotten any better and now I’m 3,000+ miles away from my entire family and kicking myself a bit for moving.

My husband very much wanted a baby, in fact he convinced me to not start with fostering/adopting but by having one of our own. That being said, I saw a huge shift in him once our daughter was born. He has to be constantly asked to contribute to parenting or even to just spend time with her. He has told me, on multiple occasions that he doesn’t enjoy being a parent and that’s why he is unhappy all the time. Those were his exact words.....I think the first time he said it is when I started shutting down in our relationship. I feel so much resentment towards him. We aren’t having sex anymore...it’s feels harsh to say but the thought of being intimate with him has honestly become repulsive. Why would I want to spend my life with (let alone have sex with) someone who doesn’t even enjoy being around my child and who doesn’t support me as a partner and parent? If the situation were different and I was dating someone, as a single mother, and they said that to me about my child, I would have ended things right then and there. I guess things aren’t as easy when you are married and the person is your child’s parent.

I keep hoping things will get better, for her sake....because it breaks my fucking heart to think about her growing up and feeling that from her dad.

We are going to try counseling and I’m keep an open mind that maybe professional help can help us. The truth is though, I’m getting my ducks in a row to make sure I’m set if I decide to leave. How much longer do I want to wait around hoping he’ll start loving our child? How much longer do I want to wait around and hope he changes his mind about not wanting more kids? How long should I keep myself in a loveless and sexless marriage HOPING for change all while feeling myself drift further and further away from the man I married?

😞.

I wish was a magic way to get all the answers and solutions because my heart and mind and tired.