Does anyone else have a toddler that’s really chill and easy-going for them, and a nightmare for their partner?

My husband takes our daughter during the 9-5 workday, and I take (most) mornings/evenings/weekends… and the difference in her behavior for the two of us is CRAZY.

I can overhear her during the day (when husband has her) and the whining/fussing/sometimes tantrums is almost constant. With me, she’s fairly relaxed and easy-going. Occasional grouching, but almost no meltdowns, super cooperative for transitions, diaper changes, mealtimes, etc.

I think it’s partly that we parent pretty differently. I purchased and watched the whole Big Little Feelings course, so I’m talking to her pretty much constantly to narrate what we are doing, tell her what comes next, answer her “questions”, shifting to “yes” if she wants to do something she can’t, and giving her age appropriate choices and activities. It works like a charm. It’s a lot of work, but I can do a lot of my routine as usual with her as a sidekick instead of having to JUST entertain her. And it’s definitely LESS work than dealing with tantrums.

Husband declined to watch the videos (I tried to give him the highlights, but he got defensive and thought I was trying to undermine him 🙄). And he is having a really rough time these days. He doesn’t narrate so she knows what’s going to happen (surprise diaper change - cue tantrum!), doesn’t really give choices (it’s either an open-ended question that confuses her or no choice - cue tantrum), doesn’t provide solid structure (says they’re going to do something then changes his mind - cue tantrum), and she’s a mess. It’s nearly constant meltdowns. He can’t make lunch without putting her in front of the TV. She has a tantrum at every transition and diaper change. The answer to everything is “NO!”

Maybe she’s just comfortable having big emotions with him, but maybe also there’s some magic in the predictability, reminders, and choice-giving? He was out for the evening, and she & I had a super pleasant dinner/bath/bedtime. No tears, lots of sweet giggles and silly play. I sometimes forget that she’s such a lovely companion when he’s not around 😩.

Anyway, just a plug for the Big Little Feelings insta and course. But make your partner watch it too, or you’ll wind up with ~this~ situation.