Am I wrong to feel some kind of way?

Question

For reference I’m 19 and my fiancé is 24.
My fiancé proposed in April of this year and ever since then it’s become more apparent to people that this isn’t just a regular relationship. I live with my mom, my sister, two brothers and nephew. Last year my mother quit her job (after daycare opened back up from the pandemic) because her brother was shot and killed.. it was very traumatic for everyone so we understood her grief and my older siblings found jobs (after losing them to the pandemic) and I stay home to watch my sisters kid. My fiancé is originally from PA, so he officially moved him back in Nov. which I thought wasn’t a problem. She says how much she loves him etc etc.  She told him that by the first of the year, she wants us out on our own which is normally okay, right? No. She didn’t prepare me, at all. She worked most of my childhood, neglected me, etc. My older sister got into boys at 12 and my two older brothers are more than 7 years older than me and they still live there!! She seems to complain when I ask for help, for the smallest stuff but if my other siblings asks, she’s so happy to do it. Normally I let this feeling go but a few days ago my aunt (her sister) came around blaming my fiancé for shit he didn’t do and talking about I need to move out my moms house, the rest of kids, (22, 26, 27) can stay but the youngest has to go..
I haven’t been able to find a job or get my ID because she refused to give me my social security card when I was a minor and then when I finally turn 18, she tells me she lost it.  Amazing right 🙃. 
You think she’d help me though, right? Nope. She did the same thing to my older brother but helped him and got him his social security card and ID, she made sure to get my sister her ID but just plain ignored me. My fiancé is so kind, and he offers to help me with everything, he’s the one at work and all she does is complain but I feel bad about feeling this way because she lost her brother last September and is going through menopause… 
is it fair to push me out on my own without preparation but allow everyone else to stay? 
Am I the asshole for feeling some kind of way? 
😔😔😞

Answer

I think if you’re old enough to get engaged and be married then you’re old enough to be out on your own. You can order a new social security card online and it literally shows up in a few days.

Answer

At 19 you seem to want to be an adult by getting married, but also a child whose mother provides everything for you. You don’t say if your siblings also have fiancé’s living in your mother’s home, but I think it’s completely reasonable for her to tell you it’s time to go since you’ve made the very adult decision to start your life with this man. Time to act like an adult and learn how to do simple things like apply for a social security card and pay rent.

Answer

Maybe she feels you are more independent. You don't mention if your other siblings are married or not, but she probably feels that if you're getting married then you need to leave the house. Which is fair in that regard.
My sisters were also babied a lot. I have done so much by myself compared to them and my dad tells me it was because they didn't need to help me, I was able to help myself. Which I appreciate, but it does come across as favouritism.

Answer

She obviously doesn’t like your fiancé.
I would assume he is the problem since she never kicked you out before. 
Definitely get a job, and a driver’s license if you don’t already. Are you in school? What is the plan for when you are married? We’re you not planning on moving out anyways?

Answer

It’s not fair at all. But you can’t control her actions- what you can do is do it on your own and be proud that you can stand on your own two feet without your family coddling you. As far as SSA goes, it sounds like that you have been provided the incorrect Social Security number. My suggestion would be to try to get a copy of your birth certificate and set up an appointment with an agent so that you can show them your birth certificate along with a school ID or a health insurance ID with your name, they would prefer an ID that has your picture on it. It would also be helpful if you have a copy of your hospital records from your birth possibly. I know it’s going to be a lot of legwork and chasing things down, but it will be worth it in the end when you can get your card and you did it without your mom’s help. Good luck!

Answer

It's absolutely not fair. But does it matter? I don't think so. This is the situation you are in now if you like it or not. So sort yourself out and move on in life. I would just make sure you never forget how they treat you, because the day they want something from you will surely come.

Answer

Idk, but you need to raid her files and find your stuff. Stop waiting around for her to be just and fair, because she is prejudice against you. Even if you have to go to your birth place to get your birth certificate or get a new SSS. Do what you need to do, because she isn’t going to help, and your older siblings don’t seem too concerned. I know this is tough, but want better than this. Let this be your fuel to be something greater.

Answer

No, it’s not fair. But life is not fair. If she’s honestly pushing you out, it’s time to get all your ducks in order and figure out what you need from her in order to become an adult. Seems like it would be better for you to get out of the house anyhow and be on your own with your fiancé.

Answer

I honestly think you will do better if you move out. Can you contact the right agencies about your ID and social security details?

Am I wrong to feel some kind of way?

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