so i’m aware of how stupid i am but i do not know what to do!

i f16 am dating m17 and we met in january we starting dating april and our 4 month anniversary comes up in the beginning of august. throughout the first few months of us knowing each other he would sometimes disappear for hours or days even and it was because his grandmother was very sick, and he had to either take care of his little sister who’s 8 or would have to take care of his grandma. (it’s just his mom, him and his little sister do the roles switches between his mom and him) once i talked to his friends we instantly became very close, and once that happened he had disappeared again just for a couple days. he had said it was because of his grandma but i do not know. once we starting dating things got pretty rocky. he asked me out and then disappeared and now those long hours he took to reply or even days turned into a week or two. i would get his best friend to check on him and he would force him to come back. this happened like 3-4 times i think since april-may. his reasoning was always “he couldn’t talk to anyone”. in may he had disappeared for 3 weeks now and i had got his friend to go to his house again since i live 2 hours away i can’t get to him as fast at his friend who lives minutes away. he had explained to me his grandma had died and that’s why he was gone. he promised me again he would not leave and we talked for a day. in those few hours he had promised me he would play a game with me and his friend and my friend and he told me he had to change bc he spilt water on his shirt. that was may 18th. that was over 3 months ago now and i haven’t spoken to him and he has not spoken to any of his friends since. i had gotten in touch with his little sister and she had briefly mentioned their grandpa was sick? today is his best friends birthday and i am so worried he is not going to text him for his birthday. i want to talk to him so badly and i thought he would’ve messaged me by now since he would say happy birthday to his friend and i don’t think he had said anything to him. (he never messaged me for our second and third anniversary either but i am he would message his friend for his birthday at least?)

i know i am only 16 but i really do love him with my whole entire heart, i’ve never felt this way about someone in my life until him. i went into this relationship very broken with myself which was such a mistake because i now depend on him for everything. i feel like when he left he took me with him. i’m just some random person in my body. i’m not me. we planned our lives together and ik that naive bc i’m so young but i really did believe snd maybe still do that he is my soulmate and we are meant together.

i told him when we first met about my abandonment and attachment issues, they are pretty bad. i attached to him so fast and still so very attached to him as with that i am in love with him. but i feel so abandoned by him and the issue is my abandonment issues goes both ways. i am scared to abandoned and also scared to abandon people. i’ve waited 3 months for him already even more not counting before we dated. should i move on? how? i cant do it. i tried talking to other people but i just look for him in them. i’ve tried to pretend he doesn’t exist but i can’t. everything i do, everytime i think, everything reminds me of him.

even his friend they talk the exact same, he is the only thing left i have of my boyfriend. and i don’t know what to do? parts of me wishes i never met him, other parts tell me to move on but i can’t with being friend with his friends but i love being friend with him and i want him in my life.

i’ve never felt so happy and almost felt loved? i’ve never experienced that before him. i don’t know what to do, i have no one to talk to this about. so i thought maybe i’d ask here. i miss him so much and would do anything for him fo come back to me.