Just venting (possible trigger for some)

I STILL can't get the shit out of my head, where is it okay to tell someone that maybe you want to go back to the person who senselessly hit you, the person, who made you die of fear for your own life, the person who said you you were the reason he lost all the money he had instead of blaming it on his mindless spending and on someone who really wanted something good to happen in your life, the person who threatens your life, the person who took you for granted, the person that threatens to kill you!!! Where is that? Yes, I'm still trying to find out. That is a trigger. I never said my life was worse than yours, it's just that I took it personally because I NEVER want to be on that level of fear anymore. That is why I am so heavily protected with my heart and have such destructive ways now that I never wanted to mention my boyfriend, but I see my destructive way and I hate myself for the way I act sometimes.