Help, I’m at a loss for words

Possible Trigger warning

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So I am a survivor of abuse and rape. I was with a guy when I was 14-16, he lied about his age said he was 15 turned out too be 18 at the time I met him. I didn’t know that until much later on. Everything was going great at first but it just ended up horrible. I lost a baby, was horribly abused every way possible and thrown out of a moving car.

Fast forward too now…

I have commitment issues and have trouble having sex with men. I’m a bisexual female, woman come easy sex wise for me but me sex with men has proven to be difficult.

I will barely have sex with my boyfriend as of now and I can tell it is bugging him. we’ve talked about it, he seems like he’s bothered but refuses too show it.

Well I have toys and if I need too take care of business then I will. My boyfriend doesn’t know this and I’ve tried telling him but he’s like bring it into the bedroom with us, which I’m not comfortable with that at all.

Anywho, I have been trying too figure this out for my boyfriend but everything makes me jumpy with the topic sex and him. I’m not used too having a man that is caring but so sexual. I don’t feel we are compatible sexually but he doesn’t see it. He keeps trying to find ways around it and is like “baby I’m in the mood” or “do you want too try it tonight” or even “why are we not having sex baby this is normal for a couple”. He knows about my past with guys, it’s always been rocky. I’ve been used and abused by multiple men even some family members growing up.

How do I go about this? What do I say? What do I do? I’m so lost and confused. I’m stressing over this, which I really shouldn’t. My health isn’t the best currently with all my health issues, my doctor says that I need too try and destress before anything with my health takes another bad turn.

Any advice would be helpful…

Thank you