Does your husband/partner help without you asking?

Does your husband or partner do things with your kid(s) or around the house without you having to ask him to do it? I’ve had multiple conversations with my husband about this and he says, “if you need me to do something, just ask me. I’m happy to do it, I just don’t know what to do.” I feel like this is a childish, BS excuse. Our son is over 2 years old. We do the same things every single day at the same times. For example, do I seriously need to ask him to run his bath water every night? He has only bathed our son about 5 times since he’s been alive. He never offers but tells me, “all you have to do is ask.” It infuriates me.

What is the point of being a parent if you aren’t going to use your eyes, look around, and see what needs to be done? I don’t need another human to constantly instruct. It’s like having a second child. This has been going on a long time, ever since our son was born. I can count on two hands how many diapers he’s changed since our son has been alive. 99% of the time, he doesn’t have anything to do with feeding him, bathing him, dressing him, changing him, or otherwise taking care of him. I play with him, read to him, am trying to potty train etc. My husband generally sits on the couch on his phone or watching TV while everything happens around him. His big defense is that our son is a mama’s boy and doesn’t want him, otherwise he could do more. This isn’t entirely wrong: our son is so used to me doing everything that he doesn’t want his dad to do all those things because he’s used to me doing them. I try to encourage him to bring books to his dad to read, etc but he usually doesn’t want to.

My husband has a good heart, but he is a colossal disappointment as a father. I expected so much more from him. He always talked about wanting kids and how he couldn’t wait to be a dad one day. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to do things without me having to ask? I talked to his mother about it and she made excuses for him and said, “it’s just a man thing” and said his dad was the same way. I think it’s total BS. I even talked to a therapist about a year ago about it and she said I should tell him what to do for a while so he can learn. I’ve done that somewhat but how long should I have to do that before he should just do things on his own?

I’m so frustrated and this is really impacting our marriage. I’m so deeply resentful and tired. I feel like a single parent most of the time. I don’t want to have a second child because I know I’d likely be doing it alone again.

Let me also add that I work full time at a demanding job and earn more money than he does. I also handle all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. He does yard work occasionally and that’s about it. He used to cook a few times a week but he hasn’t cooked anything in months because he said he was tired of cooking “all the time.”

Should I just give in and tell him what to do all the time? Or should I have a more serious/threatening talk with him? Or should I lower my expectations?