He doesn’t want to feel like a burden???

Question

Can someone translate this BS to me please?
My fiancé of which we share 2 kids together and were each other’s first everything… has told me after more than a decade together that he doesn’t want to be a burden to me because he cheated. (Yes I know red flag) most women on here are gonna tell me that I should have left him. And lord knows I knew I should have and wish I had the will but I am so utterly in love with the man he used to be. He also cheated right before we found out I was pregnant with our second so I was desperate to hold onto my family. 
Well our baby is 4 months old and he proposed to me. He told me that he loved me and that I am the only woman for him and that he promises he’ll never hurt me again and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Of course I was so happy. But a few days ago, he finally confessed that he had sex with the girl he cheated on me with. Up until then he only admitted to kissing and touching. Again devastated but I kicked him out. Although this was a year ago and before I got pregnant, I wanted him to know he can’t keep doing this and I wanted him to feel like he might lost me. So now after seeing me cry so much, he said he “ This is what I hate for you to be like this over me. You don’t deserve that and I don’t deserve to be a burden to anyone this way either” 
Like WTF, of course I’m going to be upset and devastated at what hes done. If I didnt love him, I wouldn’t care. Now I thought he just wanted to finally be honest so we wouldn’t be getting married based on a lie but now he’s saying he doesn’t think he can be a good husband. That he hates being responsible for my feelings. And that he cheated because he feels like he never got to have “fun” since we been together since high school. 
Give it to me straight ladies because he is absolutely the love of my life. He used to be my perfect man that I had absolute faith and trust in. I know he’s not that man anymore and I still can’t seem to let him go. I want to work this out because I know he can be that man again. His parents know our situation and keep telling me to pray and be patient. That he loves me. But where do I draw the line? I asked him to write down all his feelings so we could have a good honest talk about our situation when he gets home. I just want to know if he still wants to work this out, counseling, church, etc or should we just end it. I need some strength to go through with this

Answer

The love of your life wouldn’t cheat on you or risk losing you. He’s just the only love you know. 
He’s showing and telling you he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. There’s a whole life out there for you, probably with someone who will cherish and respect you and your children. You can spend your whole life trying to change him or pretend this is love, or you can choose yourself and realize your value.

Answer

People who truly love you don’t cheat.

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If you really want to make it work, I’d definitely try couples and individual therapy for both of you. You know him better than us, and if you feel like he’s sharing this because he wants to be fully honest, you’re probably right. He probably is being eaten up by guilt and being fully open is likely helping him feel better. Sounds like the ball is fully in your court and this is your decision to make.

Answer

I will start with: I believe some couples can overcome infidelity and move on to be better than they were before.
That said, his line about "waahh I don't deserve you, I'll be a burden" is him trying to get the easy out. He wants to be done, but he also doesn't want to look like the bad guy. If you go along with him doing you the "favour" of ending things, like it's a joint choice, he gets away with not looking like a guy who cheated on the mother of his children. It keeps things all nice-nice so he can still see the kids and you are left sad and broken over this guy because it didn't end in a tire fire that is easier to move on from, but a slow burning agony. And then you know what he's going to do? Get with the chick he cheated with. And when you find out and lose it? He's going to be able to say "wait though, we agreed it was for the best. You didn't want the mental stress, this is what YOU wanted."
It's a ploy to be able to come out not looking like the bad guy. He's setting this all up to bake the cake and eat all of it.

Answer

He doesn't love you. Realize you deserve better than a cheater.

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He’s going to keep cheating, know that. He knows you’re going to stay. He’s trying to sound empathetic to your side, but it’s to keep you on the hook. If he cared and was remorseful after the first time it would be different. But he hasn’t stopped

Answer

I don’t believe in “forgive and forget”. I believe in “forgive and learn.” If he REALLY means it, if he really loves you, if he really doesnt want to hurt you, try to forgive him. But even if you do forgive him, keep tabs on him. I would try counselling together and for him. He needs to understand that in hurting you like this he needs to regain your trust. If he really wants to make it work, he will be willing to fight for that trust and understanding of the things he needs to do to get it back. And once you feel like you can trust him again, when he’s truly committed to you, he can do his own thing without you having to know about it all the time.

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Get gone girl and find someone that at the thought of cheating on you brings them to their knees…one life be happy and adored

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He is not taking true ownsership of his CHOICES (this isnt a one time mistake, its a series of deliberate choices). Instead he is throwing himself a self depricating pity party to evade true ownership and change.

Answer

So now he’s trying to play the victim, use guilty manipulation, to make you feel sorry for him for his crappy decision. Remember when somebody cheats on you they don’t think about you, they don’t think about jeopardizing the relationship, they don’t think about your children, they only think about themselves and their needs. Stop wasting your time, think of it this way. If you take a piece of paper and crumble it in the palm of your hand, and you try and smooth out the lines, they will never go away because the lines of deception will always be there. You will never be able to trust him, you will overthink everything, you will wonder is he really talking to who he says he’s talking to you, is he really staying late at work, or is he cheating, etc. And don’t be mad at the woman, it’s his fault, yes she played a part in it, but it’s not like he’s tripped and fell on her vagina and her penis just happen to be out in the clothes just happen to be off now in exactly what he was doing when he did it. Like you said you’re in love with the man he used to be. He’s not that person anymore, you’re still living in the past, you need to live in reality and in the present, he is no longer that person, you don’t even know who he is frankly. He’s not the same person you fell in love with in high school, and the fact that he didn’t get to be wild and have fun with other people that’s his excuse, you didn’t either, but you didn’t go out and sleep with half your town or anyone else, no you were faithful to him from day one, and God only knows if this was the only time it happened, and by you staying with him, that not only tells him that the behavior is acceptable, but that you’ll tolerate it and when he does it again, and he will, because he knows you’re not going anywhere, he knows that you don’t want to be alone and now he knows he can take advantage of that and use that to his advantage to get away with murder. So when he starts cheating online, or cheating with the girl at the office or anywhere else, Because the opportunity presented itself and unfortunately sex is so freely given and easily available￼￼￼￼,  especially thanks to technology and hook up sites, unfortunately there’s more married men than there are single men on tinder and other sites, it’s a sad reality the world that we are living in, and when he’s needed most when you are pregnant, what does he do, messes with someone else. And when you need him when you are paralyzed or sick or had an accident or depressed or any other reason, what do you think he’s going to do step out on you again because his needs are not being met. That is who your fiancé is, he probably only proposed out of guilt, out of doing the right thing, not because he wants to marry you and genuinely loves you, because if he loved you, he wouldn’t have done what he did. Unfortunately temptation is real, it’s kind of understandable how it happened so easily, guilt free, drama free, she laughs at all of his jokes and thinks he’s the best thing since the invention of sliced bread, treats him like a king, no bitching and complaining or fighting, readily available, she never says no to him, it’s kind of understandable how it can happen. And unfortunately nothing makes a man stay except him choosing to honor the decision he made to you. Whether you’ve been married 15 2030 years, owned property, have children, owned businesses together, it’s a choice, he chose to step out on you. He chose to lie to you all this time telling you that it was only a kiss, he also chose for however long it happened, I’m sure it wasn’t a hi, fuck and that was it, oh I’m sure there was a lot more to it that he’s not telling you.￼ I can tell you stories about my clients, who have five children, her husband is a truck driver who goes out of state all the time, she later found out that he had a whole other family with children that he was living with also in Ohio, are used to go to Ohio a lot and she didn’t know why, eventually she found out. Unfortunately men think with her pants with her head, the opportunity presented itself, I’m sure it will again, but next time he may not say no. He clearly has a history of this, and he does it because you allow it. Wake up to the reality that you deserve better. You deserve happiness, you deserve love, why be miserable with somebody when there are so many more opportunities out there in life. He didn’t think about you he didn’t think about the kids, he only thought about himself and now you need to do the same thing about yourself and your children, the relationship is over, the lines of deception Will never go away, they will always be there in the back of your mind and you will always second-guess him and doubt him. Take it from the woman who stayed like an idiot for five years, meanwhile my partner was sleeping with half of our town behind my back, any chance that he got, he was sleeping with somebody￼. Never again. I don’t tolerate bullshit, I don’t tolerate anything. I don’t chase after a man, I do not stay because I don’t want to be alone, I am perfectly fine being alone because you are better off alone than in bad company who doesn’t appreciate your respect you. And that’s exactly what is going on here, he doesn’t respect you because if he did he wouldn’t of done what he did. You fell in love with potential of who he could be, he’s showing you who he is you’re seeing his true colors. This is who he is he’s a piece of shit. He’s not the same person you fell in love with, that image of him of perfection is gone, and it will never be the same. So stop wasting your time, you will be OK alone, you are entitled to every government assistance out there because you are now a single mother. ￼￼

He doesn’t want to feel like a burden???

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