Back when I was a child I got molested my by father. Back then I didn’t anyone about it. I just kept it to myself and started cutting. I eventually stop cutting myself and figured out how to deal with this trauma myself and move on with my life because I didn’t like what carrying around that much hatred was causing me to do to my self but mentally and physically. I live in my father for about 6 years after the abuse and I took until 2016 to starting fully acting myself again completely because of that I started distancing myself from him little by little. I got into a relationship in 2019 and the memories that I thought I deal with started coming back especially when I was time to be intimate. I would just tell my SO at the time that I just needed a few minutes and I get dressed and just sit myself. He would always this he did something wrong but no matter how much I told him that he didn’t and it wasn’t him he wouldn’t believe me and would literally start beating him self up (red flag 1) I finally told him because I decided it’s not fair to let someone I know think that they are hurting me when they aren’t (mistake 1). Thinking that he would understand and not be like my mother who made the situation about her when I told her. He told me to do not talk to your father on the phone when I am around you, I said ok bae (because I was already trying to distance myself from him), he told me change his name in your phone I said ok honey, he said delete your father’s phone number I said ok honey. Then in December 2020 I went off on my father again about the abuse I didn’t so once when I was 15 but unlike back then I didn’t live with my father so I had no problem telling him to stay away from me and not to contact me again. And he didn’t contact me again until June of this year when I texted him that I am getting married (mistake 2) at the time I didn’t think much about it because to me it was like a fuck you to him cause I am his only daughter and he will never meet my husband or walk me down the aisle plus despite what you did to me somebody loved me. No more contact until two weeks later when I called me saying I forgot his birthday. I reply ok happy birthday yuh happy now 😒. Thinking that's that (mistake 3). Two months later my fiancé took it up on himself to go through my phone through my archived msg (number I didn’t block but don’t want to talk to) and now created drama about it drama I involved my mother in thinking she’s going to be a mother to me for once (mistake 4). I forgot about the encounter with my father two months ago because like I stated earlier I was at a point in my life where I don’t care to talk to her not to talk to him it doesn’t really bother me so I did forgot about it. He asked me if I told him we’re getting married like when was the last time I spoke to my father type thing oh my God I don’t know I know my cousins did and then he straight up started calling me a liar and all that extra crap mind you on top of him wanting to create problems with me I was literally in the house complaining of having a headache having a fever and having hot flashes open this house feeling like a fucking had Covid. But nobody cared like it got to the point where we’re starting to have a whole screaming matches with my mom and I decided that I no longer want to marry a person like this a person that literally goes out and look for a fucking problems to start instead of simply just saying to me honey why did you tell your father that we’re getting married I thought we agreed that we will not have a contact with him instead of doing that he literally went out of his way to fucking create problems and then like an idiot I called my mother to tell my fucking mother that I want to come home I don’t want to stay here anymore I don’t wanna live with him anymore I don’t wanna marry him anymore because every time we get into a fight or every time something happens he goes out and he looks for a fucking problem no matter how much I am trying to heal from my past traumas again and move on with my fucking life from what happened to me when I was a kid he would not allow me to do it every time that I say the word father he just has to put in there don’t forget your father raped you don’t forget your father raped you every chance and he fucking gets here tosses it in there and I’m like I don’t want to be with a person that just because I don’t walk around with hatred I don’t like hatred pull me that every day of my life like they do they go and they try to create fucking problems and it’s like I made the fucking worst mistake of calling my mother because now instead of being a mother she’s telling me it’s my fault I put myself in the situation because I told him what my father did to me and I should not of open my mouth and said nothing to him and that I cannot come back to her house I have to find somewhere else to go on my own literally the whole fucking conversation she was just there yelling at me and picking up for him I’m your fucking daughter my G you hear that I am in pain I am hurting in or you can fucking thing to do is I have never heard him speak like that and I’ve never seen him and what did you do what did you do what did you do in for once feel like that’s my daughter like you don’t fucking hard now I am sitting in a fucking corner with a knife trying to resist the urge to start fucking cutting myself again.