It’s day 4 since my break up. I always hear girls say they felt happier and free after leaving the toxic man but in this case he left me

Idk but I feel empty. I feel so bad despite the fact he would give me the silent treatment, make fun of my body, call me names, scream at me… you name it. Never hit me but it was all verbal.

I know I should hate him but can’t. Any help please. I’m worse than when I was with him