Should I initiate divorce or wait for my husband to do it?

Question

Long story short: 
My husband has turned into an angry asshole. Mad everyday, “punishing” me by making me do everything for our three year old, just because I won’t have sex with him anymore because he treats me so shitty. He told me four days ago that if I make the first effort to get this back on track, then he will be nice. So for the past three days, I’ve been extremely sweet and nice. It wasn’t good enough because I didn’t have sex with him. Last night he went and slept in another room because I wouldn’t strip for him, and then accused me of cheating on him. I obviously love my husband, and that’s why it’s hard and scary to make this decision. I’m scared of what the next chapter is in life if I divorce. I’m also scared of my daughter inevitably getting hurt in the process.

Accepted Answer

Try and document all you can. Get a lawyer and divorce him. This is abuse and you have to get out before her turns violent.

Answer

Is not a you problem to get it back on track. You both have a role in your marriage, however you do not have to have sex with anyone, married or not. It's your body and your choice and how disgusting he would try to punish you for it. Sex is important in a marriage, but so is love and respect.

Answer

I think it would be worse for your daughter to be around a man that demands you strip for him or he sleeps in another room. Seeing mom happy and healthy won’t hurt her thinking that’s normal husband behavior will.

Answer

Has he ever talked about why he’s mad every day? It sounds like you two should try counseling first. If you’re not having any intimacy and using childcare as punishment- something is very wrong. It wasn’t always like this though, right?

Answer

I would suggest YOU seeing a therapist and NOT doing couples counseling at first. Some abusive partners can actually manipulate a counseling session into making it worse. I’d hate for you to try and get help and just end up having him and the counselor ganging up on you. You need to talk to someone and get help without him interfering with what you need to talk about. It sounds like you need to get out of that house because he definitely sounds abusive.

Answer

He’s abusing you and gaslighting you with the threat of him behaving better if you act a certain way. Step up for yourself and your daughter and divorce the piece of shit. Show her a woman does not stand for or deserve disrespect. You don’t have to do anything to earn nice treatment.

Answer

I’m concerned how many women are actually making excuses for this. I wish you ladies knew you deserved more than that behavior

Answer

I believe you should do what your heart leads you to do because he’s stepping you to make things better because he’s unhappy and you not giving him sex and him being unhappy will just push him to commit adultry.

Answer

He wants a servant, not a partner. You deserve a life partner and supportive father for your child. Don’t settle for less, your child is watching and learning. What you allow is what they will think is acceptable in a relationship. 
Only when my mom saw me at 13 years old in an abusive relationship of my own did she leave my dad finally. She saw I was accepting abusive behavior as love from others because it is what I had watched her do. Please, don’t allow the pattern to repeat.

Answer

It's not soley your responsibility to make your marriage work. Its a team effort from both sides. He sounds like a petty piece of shit. I vote divorceeeee

Should I initiate divorce or wait for my husband to do it?

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