Why am I not happy? Why am I so numb? Yesterday i got those 2 beautiful 2 pink lines so strong and such a shocked as we wasnt "trying" but i just feel numb I'm incapable of feeling anything right now, and I know most say enjoy it and embrace which I have done the last 5 losses I've had. I had 3 losses then an ectopic and then last year I had the best surprise in finding out I was pregnant again (with twins) and I was so unbelievably happy. Then a short time later it was all taken away at 9 weeks I found out there was nothing I could do and to just "rest". So here I am wanting to be over the moon about those 2 pink lines but I cant. Not because of fear of losing again but the fear of heartbreak! The fear of how I felt last year, the not being able to get out of bed as i really thought that time was the time. Not being able to open google for the research on buggies and gender reveal ideas. The not being able to eat as each meal I could suddenly eat again reminded me that I'm no longer pregnant and that's why I dont feel sick. I'm sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong place but i cant express how i feel to anyone not even my partner because as much as he hurt too, he is able to be excited and happy. I just feel numb and want to feel something. Please tell me I'm not the only one.