My mom said she wishes she left me like my dad did?

Question

My parents are divorced and I lived with my mom and step dad growing up. My dad would take my siblings and I every other weekend to stay with him. My dad is a good person but for some reason I truly hated going with him for his weekends, I think I was just attached to my mom and my home and it was really difficult for me to be uprooted from my home every other weekend. I just hated it and would cry and beg my mom not to make me go with him when he came to pick us up, and I would also use my dad’s cell phone to call her crying and begging her to let me come home almost every time. I don’t recall exactly what she would say to me but not once did she pick me up or tell me I didn’t have to go with him for that weekend. 
This lasted from when I was a baby (6 months) until high school. We haven’t spoke about it since, but in order to make it make sense in my head I assumed she didn’t let me stay home bc of legal reasons but I always assumed she wished I could be home with her. Well we were in an argument yesterday and it came up that my dad is easier to talk to than my mom because he doesn’t constantly criticize me and tell me I’m immature, etc. (even though I’m 27 with a solid career and relationship). She went off on me and told me she wishes that she could have been the parent who left my siblings and I, and didn’t have to raise us. I told her “I don’t think you really mean that” and she said “Yes, I mean exactly that. I wish I could have chosen to leave and not had to deal with all of the difficulties of raising you kids.” I said again that I don’t think she means to say that and she said she really did mean it again. 
Do you think that’s a normal thing for a parent to say to their adult child? Looking back on the conversation I feel like it’s a really cold thing to say and I’m having a hard time getting over it.

Accepted Answer

It’s not normal to say that out loud, but it does sound like your mom is resentful of your dad. She was probably hurt that you said he’s easier to talk to. She probably had you over 60% of the time and did most of the hard work for you to grow up and tell her he’s easier to talk to. Idk, I see how hurtful those words are to you but I also can see how she would feel too.

Answer

Id cut her off. Give her that wish. Thats toxic as fuck.

Answer

Divorce is very hard on everyone, moreso if you have problematic children. You've instantly lost a full time partner and parent and often, one parent is left picking up the majority of the pieces. In your case, this fell on your mother.
You have stated you were closer to your mother, but there's a chance that your actions were actually smothering her and adding to her stresses - especially if you were crying for her and phoning her relentlessly during the years you were going to your dad. All parents get overwhelmed sometimes and if you were doing this without fail for years, I can see how it might have been too much for her.
Was it wrong for her to say it out loud? Maybe she was just trying to be honest, talking to you adult to adult but that doesn't necessarily mean that's how she feels now. Was she wrong for feeling it at all? No. Her feelings matter too.
Also you can be immature at any age. Doesn't matter if you have kids or own a company or whatever. Your age and the fact that you have a job doesn't determine your maturity status.

Answer

It was very cold. I hope she sincerely apologizes. 
I don’t know the context of your conversation but it was also dig to her to compare her to your dad that was a every other weekend parent too. She had to be the parent, and he was the guy you saw a few times a month. 
Is this the first conflict you had like this? I think you hurt eachothers feelings and both took an argument too far. Again, I wasn’t there or in this situation, so I could be off base

Answer

I keep seeing ppl say that the mom CHOSE to have kids so that was her problem but what about the dad????? The dad CHOSE to have kids too?? When you CHOOSE to have kids it’s 50/50. And y’all keep saying that’s no way to talk to a child, she is 27 years old. ALSO keep seeing y’all say the mom is toxic, the daughter didn’t say the mom was saying this her whole life,so the one time she says something out of resentment towards the dad she’s toxic????

Answer

Yes it was mean but I take from it that she wishes she didn’t have to bare the largest portion of raising you guys. Honestly in these situations a lot of times every thing falls on mom and dad gets to be a hero every other weekend. And here you were telling her how easy he is to talk to…which he should be,  he technically didn’t raise you… not in the way that she did. The parent that gives the most of themselves to you may have a stronger opinion about your life because honestly they care. I would show her a little on this one.

Answer

What she said was hurtful, but probably a result of a deep and painful resentment towards your father. She likely feels like she did all the hard work and parenting and likely busted her ass a single parent and to be told that you feel like you can’t talk to her, probably really upset her. Like she did all the hard work, but your dad reaps the reward. Hurt people hurt people. Give her some time and some space.

Answer

My mom treated me like shit for years because she resented my dad. Some parents are just not great at separating child from other parent

Answer

That's horrendous and awful of your mother to say that. I felt the same way as you when you were a child when I had to go to my dads house, and I did the same thing as you. Calling my mom crying etc. I can't imagine my mom saying that to me. Hugs.

Answer

Your feelings towards it is valid, however it’s not something you should damage a mother and daughter relationship over. She sound like she is tired and was tired. that don’t make it ok but a lot of the times fathers have it soooo easy and it’s not fair but us mothers move on and still smile. Yes it was toxic of her but the world is not over and try to fix your relationship with your mom before she is gone and never coming back.

My mom said she wishes she left me like my dad did?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey