Stuck between grief and hope

Here’s the breakdown:

- September 16th (vaginal ultrasound, no sac, levels rose and were at 432.2)

- September 20th brown spotting (went in, had another vaginal ultrasound and it hurt more than the first. She had to search for my right ovary and I remember not being able to get a full breath in because it was so uncomfortable. Levels went up to 870)

- September 21st I started bleeding early morning and every time I went to the bathroom I was wiping away bright red blood. No pain or cramps really. Had bleeding the rest of the day but not enough to soak through a pad.

- September 22nd Woke up early morning and had a little more blood and went to the ER because my OB does surgery on Wednesday. Levels rose to 1424, ultrasound pretty much looked the same as Monday, gestational sac there but nothing inside. My cramping feels like I’m having period cramps and bleeding similar to a light period. I’m not doubled over in pain by any means, but it’s also not like ‘oh no big deal!’ Ultrasound was not done by an ultrasound tech in an OB office and she didn’t seem super comfortable with pregnancy itself. There wasn’t any active bleeding in my uterus and yet I’m still bleeding.

I’m just really confused. The ER nurses basically said it could be a miscarriage or it could be ok. It’s just too early to tell. I’m still bleeding today but it’s not enough to ‘soak’ a pad. The best way I know how to describe it is it’s enough for a period but not enough to fill up a tampon unless I kept it in ALL day.

Did this happen to anyone? I have another appointment today but it’s not until 2:45 so I’m just wanting clarity. If I’m miscarrying I want to be able to mourn and move on. If I’m not I want to proceed life as usual. I’m just so stuck.