Broke up with my first love

I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. He’s the first guy I’ve ever loved and I’m the first girl he’s loved too. I’ve been having a ton of anxiety lately and decided it would be better for me if we were just friends. He was really supportive and just held me while I cried and he promised to still be my friend.

I still think I made the right decision. And I haven’t felt anxious since we broke up. It was like some kind of weight lifted off me. But now it’s actually hitting me that we aren’t together anymore and I’m so hurt. I’m glad that we’re still talking, but it’s hurting me so much now that the reality of it is hitting. I’ll never go on another date with him or go to his dad’s for the weekend. I don’t get to go cuddle him and watch movies anymore. I don’t even get to do any of the typical relationship things with him anymore. I used to be so sure I’d marry him and I know he was still sure about marrying me up until I broke up with him.

I have to go to a wedding Saturday and I don’t know if I can handle that. And my step dad is getting ordained Sunday and now I’m realizing that he won’t be there for that and it really hurts. I know breakups generally hurt so this is all normal but I’ve never experienced it before and I’m just hurting so much.