My boyfriend wants kids but I never want any & I feel terrible

I recently turned 21 this summer, I ended up growing up poor when I was younger and I was the oldest sibling so as a teen I had to work and get money for the family along with my mother because my father wasn’t supporting us because he’s an drug addict.

I’ve paid for my siblings ubers, clothes, everything etc. like I’m their parents. I’ve never gotten anything back in return but I don’t expect to. I’m currently living with my boyfriend and we just recently moved into a gorgeous home out of townh and he’s been having talks of getting me pregnant & having a baby.

But after some self talk and long thought, I think I’m so emotionally drained I really don’t want children ever or a husband. All the mothers I know, young are all in a bad Financial position, not only that but I’m terribly afraid to have a connection deep as a child on this earth, I’m terrified of having to feel like I have to die for somebody at any given point. I’m terrified to give up my body, that I’ve paid thousands of dollars for to look right up for a baby. I’m terrified of my hair falling out, having a stroke during the delivery, my breasts sagging etc.

I also don’t want a husband because I feel like it’s too much work. And for these past 2 months that me and my boyfriend have been living together I’ve been slaving around — cleaning up, cooking and having sex around 2-3 times A day. Im so ridiculously drained that I don’t even feel happy anymore. I just feel like the amount of work I’m putting in the relationship IS NOT worth what I’m getting.

My boyfriend makes me feel loved, and we rarely argue and he’s always sweet and he basically worships the ground I walk on but I would never want to get married to him

Now we want totally 2 different things for the future and I’m scared to tell him because I made him move all the way across the country with me. I just feel trapped. I feel terrible for feeling so selfish.