Caught my (now ex) boyfriend cheating on me…

Background: My (ex)boyfriend and I had a fantastic relationship. It was different from anything I’ve ever felt before. We had instant chemistry! We became best friends fast and a couple shortly after (through much hesitation bc we didn’t want to ruin what we had). We had similar dreams, same humor (he was hilarious without ever making misogynistic or racist jokes like other guys), we had the same hobbies, I even became close with his friends. We had our ups and downs but way more ups than downs. We both wanted kids around the same time periods. Seriously, it was practically perfect it shocked us. He said “I love you” first when we both were aching to say it for a long time. Honestly, I thought he was the one.

2 weeks ago, he was getting overwhelmed and stressed with work and stuff so I told him not to worry about calling or texting me since I should be a here to help and bring happiness and not stress him out (he was starting to treat me like a chore). After I offered him some space for his own little mental health break, He said ok and I didn’t hear from him.

A few days later, I was scrolling on Instagram and I saw this alt. Account of his in my “Suggestion for you”. I was confused since I was already following his insta so ofc I tapped on it. There was like 2 pictures from several months ago. I giggled at them cause I hadn’t seen this stuff before but when I looked in the comments. It was his best friend, (we’ll call her B), who commented “😍”. Which was kinda weird, but most of my friends are guys so I never worried about her bc I respect their relationship. But then I started to think “But… I wouldn’t comment that on their pictures.” So, I went to B’s insta (which was another alt account🤨). Now I’m starting to feel nauseous. Stuff is feeling weird but I’m in giving him the benefit of the doubt because I don’t wanna be that crazy gf. I start looking through her Instagram and I find all of these pictures of them kissing and captions that say “The love of my life” and shit like that. His name was even in her bio with hearts. I BROKE. I was in denial! I then started scrolling through all the pictures like crazy! The worst part is that we’re long distance (get to see each other every 2 weeks or so) and during that time, he had apparently been spending it with her and the vacations with friends he’d go on we’re romantic get aways from me. (I’m broken if u can’t tell)

I confronted him and he went crazy. He started saying that it was my fault since he can’t be with me 24/7 and then he said that he’s just not ready for be with me and then he said that I’m too sweet and wonderful to be with him. He was just jumping between all these emotions and it was sending me through emotional whiplash. He was blaming me and then complementing me! Full on gaslighting!

I just sobbed and he said…

THIS IS A REAL MESSAGE! WTF?!

I ended things by saying “I loved you more than anything, I trusted you with everything. I’m not ok and I won’t be for a while. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy. I always have and I always will.” Even tho he ripped my heart out and crushed it into a million pieces, for some reason, I just couldn’t find it within myself to yell and scream at him. It’s him who’s the monster, not me. Even now, I want to yell and scream at him for hurting me so badly but I just won’t stoop down to his level. (If that makes sense)

Now I’m just mourning the loss of my best friend and my past love. It’s been 2 weeks today but I still feel like shit. Help me move on. Someone, give me hope please.

doing a 10 month update since ppl are still commenting: he spent the last several months slandering me on twitter saying i never loved him and blah blah blah. found out he had 2 girl friends at the time, one for 2 years and the other for several months. realized that the entire relationship was his gaslighting and abusing me and went through a lot of therapy. last month, i caught him stalking me and after i blocked his new accounts, he started stalking my friends and around the same time he started dating a new girl. i’ve moved on i’m much happier. I can’t forgive the abuse and everything he put me through but i’m so happy to be out of that.