Really hoping I can get some non-bias opinions.

My grandparents are pastors. I’ve been receiving bibles from a very young age, having talks about heaven and hell, and learning what sin is. I remember going to their church and watching people throw themselves to the ground, aggressively shake and speak in tongues. I remember being told that if you watch sinful movies that a black smoke will arise out of your tv. I was told that the devil can come for you at any time, in any shape or form. I’ve heard these things for years, as young as I could remember. Slowly I began worrying about my own salvation. I would stay up at night and watch videos about hell. I would get on my knees and sob and beg to be saved. I discarded all non religious music. I forced myself to go to church on days I was drained and extremely ill in fear that if I didn’t, I would go to hell. To this day, I still have a raging fear that the devil will show up in forms that will scare me most. I’ve been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and tics, which all can be traced back to religious trauma. I met my boyfriend while I was still going to church. I slowly began healing with him, he helps me with my compulsions, my thoughts, and let’s me know that I’m okay. Today, I feel that it is in my best interest to leave my religion (evangelical Christianity). But I am really struggling to. I have bibles everywhere, 6 or 7 as my grandparents would keep giving them to me. Seeing them gives me such bad anxiety, I can’t even explain it. I’m also very worried about my future children. We are currently trying to conceive, and I am so worried that my grandparents will try to scare them into religion as well. I don’t know how to tell them that I will not be raising my children in the church, nor will they be keeping any bibles they receive. It is my choice as to how I raise them, and I don’t want them going through what I did. I’m at a loss for what to do and how to go about doing what. Where do I start.. any thoughts would be appreciated. (This is not any shame on people who follow religion. I am simply sharing my opinions, if it makes you happy then go for it!)