Telling friends who have suffered loss/mc

Hi Mamas!

This is a longer post, but I would really appreciate your advise.

For nearly 20 years I have been best friends with 2 other ladies! We love eachother like sisters, which means its a deeper than simply friendship.

One of my friends (let her be "A") suffered a miscarriage of her first at 12 weeks this past February after nearly a year of TTC. In May, my other friend ("B") announced she was pregnant with her first!

I started for #3 this May, but have some fertility issues and knew a third might not happen....but...it did!!! I got that double line early September! I told B right away, (would normally have told A too, but beacaue of her loss I wanted to wait until my 8 week ultrasound to ensure all was well - if it wasn't I wouldn't have told her at all as not to trigger her).

A and I are planning Bs baby shower, at which point I'll be 10+ weeks, and I already look super pregnant (3rd kid, I'm 5 feet tall, 105 lbs when not pregnant, so I don't have anywhere to hide my bloat and stretching).

My plan was to take A out one-on-one after my 8 weeks scan and tell her. She is amazing with my other two kids and she may be happy (even though she is personally not pregnant and going through a lot of different stresses right now). She has a fertility appointment a few days before the shower, so I was going to do it between the 2 events (appointment and Bs shower).

But...B asked me to wait until after her shower. I completely respect where she is coming from (she didn't get to have an engagement party, her wedding was canceled, and her house warming too all because of covid restrictions). She wants a nice event where everyone can come together and celebrate. She thinks A will be too upset to enjoy herself.

But...I'm clearly showing. Like what a normal person looks like at 4-5 months. I would feel worse having her guess on the day. Or lying to her, then later back peddling. Also, what would my lie be, I got bit in the belly, or GI issues?

I care so very deeply for both ladies, but its starting to stress me out. Like my pregnancy is no longer about me, but pleasing them. The timing is perfect for me and my husband, and aligns so perfectly with the age of our other children and short and long term goals. I'm also ecstatic because I have medical issues that made this baby happening naturally almost impossible, but here I am!!! It's serendipity for me! But this situation is really starting to weigh on me and is making me feel guilty. As though regardless of what happens I'm disappointing or upsetting both of them.

What should I do?

1-Tell A after the 8 week scan next week? Giving her more time to come to terms with it and put on a brave face at Bs shower.

2- Tell A after her fertility appointment on the 27th, but before Bs shower on the 30th? Let's her focus on her own fertility, but then not lying or withholding the truth, but runs the risk of her being upset during Bs shower.

3- Wait until after Bs shower? (what excuse do I use for my belly - also preparing the night before with A so needs to be an issue that can last for over 2 days). I feel like this is withholding and deceptive, but understand its Bs wishes.

2 was my original plan, but then 3 was suggested by B today, which has me leaning towards 1.

Thanks to anyone who got this far!!! I really appreciate all input. I love these ladies so much. The last thing I want to do is upset either of them. If you have insight into how A might feel (have you mc your first and a friend got pregnant?) I'd be interested in knowing what approach you wish your friends took in telling you.

Have an awesome night!