So from time to time I come on here & vent to you guys, because I have no one in my personal life I can complain to or vent. My boyfriend doesn’t know I do this, & I that gives me comfort to.

I need to confess that I feel like I might be in a emotional and physical (not always) abusive relationship & I genuinely do not know what to do. I know the usual “leave.” “You need to leave him.” But I can’t do that. I have no where to go, we have been together for 2 years & have two cats together. I just started a job about a month ago, & he is my only ride to get there. I have anxiety problems and unable to drive right now.

I am not on speaking terms with my mother, or one of my close cousins (she kind of knew about the abuse.) they were both my support systems. He has made me believe for some time now that my family isn’t good for me & they are bad people. Which they aren’t the best but I don’t know how much of that is true, what he thinks. I feel like that might be a abuse tactic.

He has gotten physical with me before. left bruises I’ve had to hide on my arms with long sleeves & one time he strangled me so bad my throat hurt the next day & I was terrified I’d have to go to do the doctor. We have really good days & I really want to marry him. But I don’t know what to do about this because when I tell him he’s abusive he immediately switches it about a time I hit him (because I reacted to him being abusive towards me).

A lot of the time I can’t remember right after when he’s been abusive & I don’t know what that means.