18+ Needed to get this out of my head and into riding

I need to type out everything that happened on 10/12/21 before I loose my absolute mind. I knew I wanted to do something the night before, I thought that I would try and give you head, but as the day progressed I though that’s I wouldn’t be able to cause my parents were up our ass. Then after destroying you in a game of phase 10; you were sitting up against the wall I had untied your pants previously to see what I could get away with. You started teasing me because I was scared to do it, you told me I was being a bad girl, and that I should really think about what Katie would tell me to do in this situation. Katie would’ve told me to get naked and ride you until you got me pregnant. Instead I stuck my hand in your pants and boxers and grabbed ahold of your penis. I ran my hand along it as I felt it get hard in my hand. To be honest feeling you get hard was weird but not in a bad way. I tried my best but I didn’t know what I was going or if I was doing it right and you kept teasing me about it. I know I was laughing during this, but I promise I wasn’t laughing at you, when I’m nervous I giggle and I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous. I wanted to make you cum, but the nervousness overtook me and I had to stop. I apologized to you, I didn’t want to leave you hard and uncomfortable. What you said next made me feel better about things, you asked me why in a sweet voice. I told you that I wanted to make you feel good but I couldn’t figure out how. You told me that I shouldn’t be doing it for you, I should be doing it for myself. I told you that I wanted to feel good too, but I knew we didn’t have time for that. We got close and started making out, my heart was racing and as you put your tongue in my mouth, I was hoping I did the French kissing right. After a while of that, you pulled away. I was slightly more confident at this point so I tried to pull you on top of me, and when I couldn’t, I ask you to get on top of me. You teased me and repeated what I had been saying the whole time, “I don’t know how to,” obviously I knew you were doing it on purpose. Finally when I got you on top of me, I felt safe under you. I wrapped my arms around your neck and my legs around your waist, and you took it from there. The position we were in was absolutely great; I felt small. Your head was in my neck and your arms were on either side of my head. By this point I was already hot and soaking down there. I wanted you really bad. Then I felt your hips move back and forth. My breathing got heavy and I couldn’t help but let out little moans while you dry humped me. It felt ridiculously good and neither of us were undressed. Each thrust you made, made me feel like I could cum, which was weird considering most women can’t cum their first time. When you started to kiss my neck I melted. God I wish it would’ve lasted longer. When you stopped, you started to verbally tease me again, “Did you get what you wanted,” part of me wishes I would’ve gotten on top of you and said not yet. I wish I would’ve kissed you more, I wish I would’ve begged you in kiss and bite my neck and leave a large purple mark. You continued to tease me about everything until you had to go home. Every time I think about it now, the heat comes back.

I’ve decided to anonymously post things like this, so I know that other people know while saving my embarrassment of telling friends and family. This was written like a message to him, but I never sent it because I didn’t want to make him freak out.