Is sex supposed to hurt like this?

I was reflecting yesterday on how sex with my ex husband (and my only ever partner) was never enjoyable, more painful than anythhing. He took my virginity and that first night was SOO painful that I started associating sex with PAIN. And so anytime he tried to go in, I’d tense up and dry up. My body wouldnt let him and it would frustrate us both soo much. My ex also wasnt as experienced.

Anyways, only one position would work for some reason (me on my stomach, him from behind) and I did actually get pregnant this way.

But we didnt do much else. I tried to “ride” him a few times but I’d tense up. Why? Im not sure. It just wouldnt go in. Same with doggy.

Im sure this is why he left me.

Looking back, we did do foreplay which made me orgasm. But I dont think enough, or I dont think I was ever really turned on/wet enough.. if that makes sense. Something was off but Im not sure what. I was always so embarrassed and didnt even want to communicate to him about it much.

It made me so self conscious that now Im seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist. She put her fingers in quite easily but whenver she moved them around, I’d tense up. Something to work on for me, but she said its mostly a mental thing for me and not really “vaginismus” (medical term for involuntarily tensing up)

Im just so embarrassed and wanting to enjoy sex properly like anyone else. But I feel like my past has tainted me.

Im seeing someone now and its slowly leading to sex. I havent told him this yet, really embarrassed to, because a part of me thinks maybe I just wasnt turned on enough/sexual chemistry was off with my ex. Idk.

How do you all relax during sex? Anyone had something similar?