I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. Married 6. E have two kids together. We got married young at the age of 23. We are now 29 and our kids are 4 and 7. Anyways.. long story “short”…

Throughout our marriage , I’ve found him talking to other women. On Facebook , Snapchat . Instagram. Like random girls some from his past. I was pregnant both time when he would talk to other women. I always stayed because I felt we were married and shit happens and mistakes happen. He swears he never got physical.

It wasn’t until last year, my best friend sent me screenshots of IG DMs, snap chats and even texts of him reaching out to her and flirting and wanting to pick her up and have sex with her. Very flirty!!!! Like super uncomfortable things. Things he would never even say to me! His wife !!! This apparently went on for a year or maybe some months but when I found out; I was torn ! And confused! This was 03/2020. We got into a huge fight and he refused to leave. An wanted to work things out and didn’t want to lose his family. I sucked it up and pushed my pain to the side .. and now have reached a point where I can’t seem to love him anymore. I built so much resentment and hatred. I am completely checked out and have communicated to him and he tries to make me feel better and assured me he never did anything with anyone. (Physically) I see the effort he is putting in. But quite honestly I am so over it. I have suffered more than a year dealing with insecurities and fears I even had bad anxiety all last year on top of a pandemic. And now I can’t seem to feel love for him. I want to separate and I hate myself for it. He has completely changed me. I am careless. We have been like this for about A year now.. we have open communication now. After so much shit . I look back at myself for allowing so much from him and forgave so easily and I feel sorry for that girl who was insecure and stayed for the kids and because I still loved him. After all , that is my husband. Marriages are hard. And I wonder sometimes, if this is just part of marriage and will I be able to move on? Part of my has loved him less each time and idk how to get back to where I was ?

I need space ! I don’t want to be around him.

What do u guys think? My head is just so clouded.

Side note: I questions my bff about this too. I asked why would she wait so long to tell me this !? She said she did not want to be the one to break a family. And told him many many times to leave her alone. And told him he needs to be a good example to his kids and respect me. And to stop or else she would tell me. I guess he tried it again after that and she got upset and finally told me .

So I also did feel some type of way about her. It’s all fucked.