I'll try to keep this short... I got married 4 years ago, found out I was carrying quads one month after my marriage, delivered at 28 weeks via emergency c section, one baby has mild CP. At the time my family was 0 help they saw quads checked out immediately also they were very toxic so we decided to move 12 hours away to my husband's hometown. We get all the help we need and then some from his family. We had one more baby and I closed up shop! So 5 kids but I have help my issue is I miss my family and... idk why!!! These folks gaslight me all the time, basically dehumanizes me, beats me down but I still long for what could be it's strange to me but whatever. I've always been a contrarian they've always tried to shame me into submission to generational curses and respectability politics. I was recently triggered for the first time in a long time it's keeping me up rn. I had a disagreement with something my grandmother held back from me it hurt because we can have healthy conversations but I also found out she thinks very little of me even though out of all of us traumatized people I'm the only one in therapy been in for 6 months it is really helping! I was geared up to make a visit to family now I'm extremely discouraged and now I'm just thinking fuck the family I came from.... this feeling won't go away this is my reality my question is... can anyone else relate? How are you holding up?