I am mentally checked out of my relationship of 5 years. We have a kid together and as of now i want to stop TTC baby #2. I realized how unhappy i am. I don’t want sex, kisses, the future together, etc. He put me through hell and back for 4 years straight. He lies, A LOT. He gives me the run around about everything. He hasn’t proposed and i’ve been pretty much begging him and he still hasn’t. Now i don’t want him to and i hope he doesn’t. He talked to MULTIPLE women and would lie straight to my face, he he’s belittled me, he put me through the worst pregnancy/postpartum ever. I still suffer mentally because of how i was treated through my pregnancy. Basically was terrible towards me for most of our relationship. I would forgive him over and over but i don’t feel anything anymore. I love him because he’s the father of my child and i do care for his well being. But being in love with this man? No i am not.

I am in love with the idea of finally having a family (grew up in an abusive household).

I feel like i deserve to be happy but grieve for my child that won’t get two parents in the same household. But am i supposed to be unhappy for the rest of my life? I know that this isn’t what my

life should be. I want to be free and focus on my

mental health and getting healthy. I want to focus on what i want in life meanwhile raising my son. I do want his father in his life because he’s an amazing father. I want my son to spend equal time with both parents.

Now the problem is that i am SCARED. I am

scared to start all over in life. i’m 23 and renting my first house and have a 2020 car under my name that he pays. I don’t have income and family support. I started dating him at age 18 as a senior. He was 23. All i know is him and the way he is. I am used to this but it doesn’t feel right anymore. I deserve to be truly happy. Advice please? I am so afraid if he finds out and hurts me. He’s never physically hurt me but men are scary when they get denied.