Finally feeling sad about my firstborn

This whole time I’ve managed to dodge the normal and typical feelings of worry about “losing” the special bond between mommy and firstborn child. I’ve been so excited about my son getting to meet his little brother and how our fun will multiply (someday) and what a gift it is that my boys will get to have each other.

But exactly two weeks from induction day and I am finally feeling really sad that my special time with my firstborn is coming to an end. This pregnancy has gone three times faster than my first and I feel like I haven’t had two seconds to think about it!! Now I’m 37 weeks like wtf??

My son is 2.5 and has suddenly become VERY affectionate. It’s like he knows our time is up. He’s always been loving, but now he will come up and hug my leg randomly and he does it all day. As he comes up to me and looks me straight in the eye with his beautiful blue eyes and asks “cuddle?” I feel this crushing weight of savoring this as much as possible. I rock him to sleep for his nap still even though I’m round and he’s huge and I savor those 40 minutes I know I’ll never have all this tkme to put him down for a nap again.

I don’t want to miss out on a moment of this. I know I inevitably will when I have a newborn. I’m scared I’ll snap at my first son under sleep deprivation. I hope the new amazing moments of watching my first acclimate to being a big brother will make up for it.