so back in prob july my boyfriend of a year and a month at that point had choked me so hard because i wasn’t listening to him abt wearing my mask and he was so angry that out of impulse he strangled me and left marks we ended up in a court case and we were told we weren’t allowed to ever talk again. mind you he had been putting his hands on me and hurting me here and there but never enough to leave marks and i was so in love. the worst part is that i still am. after we were forced to end things i ended up trying to get sex from other guys and none made me feel good or anything like he made me feel. my bf took my virginity so i felt very strongly connected to him. anyways eventually we started talking again seeing each other having sex loving every second of it there was so much love and passion in it then things got bad again but we were sneaking around so there was no one to tell. he continued hurting me for things he’d see on my phone or for stuff i’d say he even at one point in this made me pay him money for him to love me. ik pathetic right. anyways yea so when i finally had the guts to leave and was finding interest in others i tried to go but then more threats came up he was angry gaslit me made me feel like he loved me and needed me so i stayed and now i’m stuck here in the same stuff i’ve been in for now almost 7 months and a relationship that’s been year an almost 5 months. i love this kid to death but loving him hurts me. i wish i knew why it was so hard to leave and why he’s so worth it to stay idk. then on one of our little break ups during this i had sex with this guy and it was really good i felt terrible abt it after and guilty and told him cus he asked me and it caused a lot of shit which brings me to now. we haven’t been doing good he won’t see me and i’m horny i’m on my period so i want sex all the time. that same guy texted me to hook up today and i knew it was wrong but it was so tempting and i went and lied to my “bf” (i don’t even know what we are it’s jus toxic) but i feel bad but if i tell him he’ll probably kill me not a joke. so yea i love him but did that w another guy in the middle of us still communicating and being in wtv this. is this cheating?