anxiety about receiving

probably tmi idk?

for context or whatever, ive only ever done sexual things with one other guy before my current boyfriend and none of it was pleasurable for me. i gave him hand jobs on two occasions but only because he acted like he wanted it because he was doing something to me. it made me uncomfortable and anxious, and i didn't really want to do any of it in the moment.

switch to now - im in a relationship with this guy who makes me feel a hundred times better than my ex did: emotionally, physically, mentally, and sexually. we haven't slept together yet, but there have been quite a few heavy make-out sessions and hand jobs. i actually wanted to do those and i like the feeling of being able to give him pleasure. i haven't let him doing anything back yet because receiving it back makes me anxious. he asked me the other day why i won't let him return the favor and i didn't know what to tell him. could it be because of the bad experiences before? could it be my general anxiety and the fact that im not able to control that like i like to control other things? i don't want to hurt his feelings by not doing it, but im also just confused at myself and wanted to know if anyone else had this problem.