I need advice. My husband hates being a parent and hates being around our child.

When our son was born, a few months later my husband deployed (military) and was gone until he was over a year old. He did not bond with our son at all and vise versa. Our son, L, is a very rambunctious, high energy 3.5 year old now. It’s suspected he has ADHD and he’s very loud and active from sun up until sun down. My husband works often and is only home at night before bed. This is when our son gets his last wind for the day and runs around like crazy before he finally goes to bed. My husband is just so miserable when he’s home. He screams at him. He pleads with him. He tells me to lock him in his room so he’s forced to calm down. So today until Monday he’s off work for Thanksgiving. He is absolutely miserable. And so is my son because he’s constantly being yelled at. My son just told him “go back to work daddy. You’re mean. I only love mommy.” My husband got so mad he grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. Then later my husband came to me and said he “hates” being at home around L, he would rather be at work, that home is so stressful and loud that he can’t handle it. Then he left out the front door and said he was going to do “yard work.”

I am alone with our wild child 24/7. I do everything for him. Cook all meals. Bathe him. Teach him. Play with him. My husband makes no effort to bond or know him. He just complains about his personality and that he’s “crazy” and “doesn’t listen.” I honestly think my husband has some kind of postpartum depression that has never resolved. He has no bond at all with L, and vise versa. It’s so chaotic and tense when my husband is home that even I wish he would just go back to work and leave us alone. I have a routine down with L, our days are good for the most part. Husband is home and it’s all hell breaking loose. Husband wants to sit with coffee and watch TV and ignore L, but L is running around like crazy. I tell him “he wants to play or watch Spongebob” but husband just says “I don’t want to, he needs to go to his room and leave me alone.”

I just truthfully don’t how to resolve this. Leave? He can’t really go to medical for depression because of his position in the military. It would affect that.