I’ve had a very strained relationship with my father for many, many years.

••backstory••

my mother passed away when i was a child and a few years later, my father remarried. He chose to put his new wife and her 2 children as a priority, and when i was 9, he had a conversation about me leaving the home (his new wife had approached the situation by saying they wanted to be “their own family”. That set forth me hopping around from foster home to foster home. I was never a problem child and to this day, at 30 years old, i don’t smoke, drink, or swear.

After my father divorced his second wife, i briefly moved back in with my father until he met a new woman and history essentially repeated itself. At this point- i was a teenager. He moved her in his home with her adult children (older than I was) and asked me to move out. My grandmother (paternal grandmother) helped me get my own apartment and helped me with rent and utilities, since I couldn’t work many hours while i was in high school.

My father developed an alcohol addiction in addition to prescription medication addiction. He does not work. He missed birthday dinners and school functions he swore he’d be at. At that point, i only saw my father at family get togethers (Christmas, Thanksgiving) when he showed up- which was about 50/50.

Fast forward to more present day- i got married to my husband, had our first daughter, and we BOTH joined the military, active duty, moving across the country. My father came to see us off but only stayed for about 5 mins and slipped out quietly. The rest of our families stated for dinner and to spend time together.

We have lived across the country for about a year and a half now- and i have not spoken to my father since the day i left. He (and his girlfriend I’m guessing) send my now 2 year old a package 1-2 times a year with toys or clothes but she does not- and has never- known who he is. When we did live in the same town he would never come see her or have anything to do with her saying he was “busy”. He did not come to hospital when she was born.

We are now two weeks away from having our second daughter. I have not spoken to my father since we moved across country, and he has not said anything about our new baby. I asked my grandmother when i last spoke to her if he knew I was pregnant again, and she confirmed he was aware.

••backstory ended lol••

I am now making the decision to completely cut all ties with my father. No Christmases. No holidays. Im not attempting to get him to see either of my daughters anymore. Am i in the wrong? He IS still my biological father- but he doesn’t act like it. Should i give my daughters the opportunity to get to know him and let THEM decide?