My husband has been driving me insane lately. I’m 30 weeks pregnant and I’m with my 2yo twins 24/7. Anytime I ask him to do anything or even spend time with his kids, he has an excuse. Most of the time I don’t get to shower for over a week because he’s never home to watch them so I can or they refuse to nap so I don’t have that time to either. I’m a SAHM and he works full time. (Which I understand and I want him to have free time to do what he likes too). My sister is getting married in 2022 and I’m her maid of honor. I asked him to watch our kids while she goes to pick out her dress because she wants me to go with her obviously and he literally looked at me and told me no because it’s hunting season and he will be in the woods, that he’ll talk to his mother to watch them. (Anytime I want to get an hour to myself or even go grocery shopping, I always have to ask his mom because he always tells me he has something to do) Mind you, he just took a week off of work where he literally hunted from sun up to sun down everyday. He would come home for lunch, not pay any mind to us and didn’t even help pick up the house a little. He goes hunting all weekend, every weekend and even every night on the weekdays. He will come home at dark and expect dinner, sits on the couch for an hour or so and then goes to sleep. While I still have to bathe the kids, clean up from dinner, put them to sleep, and then take all my own medications and get myself ready for bed, at this point it’s usually 11-11:30 at night. I’ve been trying to get the house in shape so I have a little less to stress about when our new baby comes in 10 weeks. I’ve been cleaning from the time I get up to the time I sit down for dinner all while watching 2 kids other than my own 2. My feet are so swollen and my back Is hurting me and I’m completely exhausted by this point. But he still finds reasons not to help at all. Let me just list a few things he finds excuses for that I ask him to do..

• Take the garbage out

• Put his own clothes away

• Stay home with the kids so I can go get groceries/things we need or even just to get away for a hour.

• Spend time with us (when he’s with us he plays on his phone the whole time, doesn’t acknowledge the fact we are even in the room or he sleeps)

• Go to the store with me so I don’t have to go alone with 2 toddlers.

• Ride with me to put money in the bank so I don’t have to drive alone at night (I babysit other kids until 6 at night and I fall asleep/get super sleepy driving at night)

• Ask him to help with dishes or dinner

• Vacuum the floor

• Fix something for me that would take 5 minutes.

His excuses are usually it’s “hunting season, you know this”, “I help with the dishes”, “I work, you don’t”, “I got to help so-so”, “I got to clean the garage”, “In a minute” (my personal favorite because I know he isn’t going to touch it and is planning on going to bed), “I have to go here”, “can’t someone else watch them?”, “take them with you”, “you wanted this”, “I’m busy”, “okay I’ll be in the house in a bit” (doesn’t come in for 5 hours, goes to bed as soon as he comes in).

A list of Things he has been doing lately that I can’t help but find extremely rude, disrespectful, and like he just doesn’t care at all about anyone but himself…

• just shampooed my carpets, he walks in across them with muddy boots and has the audacity to tell me it’s just water after he just walked in the woods and on our flooded/muddy lawn

• complains when he has no work clothes clean (he’s fully capable of running the washer and dryer and knows how to)

• he will dump coffee grinds all over the counter and floor and leave them there until I come out in the morning and step in them.

• leaves wrappers, plates, empty creamer bottles all over the counter.

• walks on my freshly mopped floors with muddy boots

• leaves every light in the house on then yells at me that I run up the bills.

• Will eat food on the couch and in the living room after I just cleaned it top to bottom and leaves crumbs on the couch and floor

I could honestly keep going. I just feel like he doesn’t care at all about anything or anyone but himself. He’s making 1000x more work for me and isn’t helping at all with our kids. If I even ask him to change a diaper, he refuses. If I ask him to dress the kids, he complains. All he ever says to me is “you wanted this” when I ask for help because I was so depressed and not in a good place while working a full time office job while being the only one taking care of the kids. I wanted to be a SAHM so I can manage my mom duties and a home but I shouldn’t have to do it alone. Since our twins were born 2 years ago, Ive always been the one to change, bathe, feed, and get up with them in the night even while working full time. When I want to do something I have to take the kids with me or ask a family member to watch them, I can’t rely on him at all. If I can’t find someone, I don’t go or take them with me and they are miserable the whole time which makes me not want to go out. My friends/ family get frustrated because I always say no to going out (even to eat) or just something as small as shopping. He’s only helped out as many times as he can probably count on his hands and that’s only with a few diaper changes here and there. I’m exhausted, I’m tired of feeling like I’m just a house mid and he doesn’t care at all about me/the kids or our relationship. He never hugs me, holds my hand, or even compliments me. I definitely don’t get a thank you for all I do either. But he will make the time to notice me when he wants something sexual and that’s the only time he tells me I’m beautiful. It makes me sick and I just cringe at any intimate attention he gives. I never ask for his money unless I am short on my car payment or we need groceries. I have never asked for his help financially otherwise or for any unnecessary spending. I really am at a stand still anymore. I feel like my kids aren’t getting the father quality time or role model that they need/deserve and they aren’t getting it from me either because I’m so burnt out. I always put my kids first and want the best life for them. But I am so short fused, I’m exhausted, I fee angry all the time, and I feel like I’m just drowning in house work and taking care of my kids all alone. Just when I think I’m catching up and getting to a good place, everything goes back to the way it was because Im not Getting any help from him. 😭😔