I’m hurting…

I don’t really know where to start. I’m almost 21 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and my mom decided about two weeks ago that she doesn’t like me and no longer wants to have a relationship with me. There are far too many details to cover the whole story, but here is a list of the reasons that she’s given (along with my thoughts in parentheses).

-She didn’t get to be involved in planning my wedding shower (this was her choice and she told me for months leading up to the wedding that she wasn’t coming because she didn’t agree with who I was marrying. She also didn’t go to the shower because at that time she was set on not being involved with the wedding at all).

-She didn’t get to plan my wedding even though she’s an event planner (she’s not an event planner. She’s planned some weddings for family members. They are the type of weddings where the family has to set up and tear everything down, her kids have to serve food and sparkling wine, there’s no professional vendors like DJ or photographer, etc. Also, the events that she’s planned have all been in a different state than I live in and she makes them all about her. I didn’t want a wedding like that, and I didn’t want to pay for a wedding planner at all, so I did it on my own).

-I am a sh*t starter (she couldn’t give a single example of this. Also, she is literally known for causing drama in my family).

-I act like I’m better than her (Again, she had no further explanation or example of how I do this. Just her perception of things. I’ve literally told her that I don’t think one person can be better than another. We are just different).

These are some of the reasons she gave in a seven minute monologue about how she’s done with me four days before thanksgiving. I should mention that for months she said she wouldn’t be in town for thanksgiving and then four days beforehand (when she knew I had other thanksgiving plans) she asked me to give her $50 to put toward her cooking thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t flat out say no, but that’s where I was going in a gentle way. That’s what triggered her uninviting me to thanksgiving dinner. That then lead to her texting me that my husband and I aren’t welcome in her home and that I’m a two headed snake. When I asked if I was unwelcome for not contributing she said no, it’s because she doesn’t like me. When I asked why not, she called and gave the reasons above in monologue form. She also told me that my wedding was a hot mess (even though my grandfather said it was the best wedding he’d ever been to. This is relevant since my mom planned his wedding). Anyway, I wasn’t welcome for Thanksgiving, and I’m still not welcome for Christmas. She refuses to be around me or speak to me, but she is the person who hosts Christmas, so I’m just going to be isolated from my family. My step father isn’t going to do anything because he just does what she tells him. My brother doesn’t want to get involved because he knows that she will threaten to not financially help him in the future (which he needs somewhat frequently). My sister is a single mom who can’t drive due to a visual impairment, so she can’t risk being on my mom’s bad side either. That just leaves me. It sucks because I love the Holidays. I live two hours from my family and I am scrambling to figure out a way to see my family for the one day I can be in town when they are all going to be somewhere that I am not welcome to go. It really hurts my heart because I know I haven’t done anything to deserve to be cut off by my mom. She’s done this once before, but only for two weeks when I was 18 and in college. She never apologized. She just started talking to me again and when I brought up that she’d cut me off she literally said “you’re not over that yet”? This time was worse. The insults were more pointed and I’m not sure how this is going to end, but for the time being it sucks. If I’m being honest, she’s never been the greatest mom. She is emotionally immature, and she put her various boyfriends before us our whole childhood (among other parenting mistakes). I didn’t care though because she’s my mom. She’s the person who raised me. I’ve never had a solid father figure growing up, so she was the only parent I had. Sadly, it almost doesn’t matter how terrible things get, I always forgive her and move on. I did tell her this time that she’s going to have to let me know when she’s able to move past this because I’m going to respect her wishes and keep my distance. It just frustrates and hurts me that she has the power to keep me away from my whole family for the holidays because no one wants to be on her bad side. Also, apparently she’s talked to my 7 year old nephew about me because he told me sister that I’m not welcome at his grandma’s house. I don’t know what I was hoping for when writing this, I’m just hurting because I feel like this is supposed to be an exciting time in my life and I just feel sad. I really don’t know what to do about it.