10 years UPDATE*******

My boyfriend and I are together for 10 years he is 30 and i’m about to turn 28 next week. Yesterday, I made a really nice dinner and we were having mimosas to go with it. We sat down and had a talk, a serious one after a full year. I told him, “remember when I was about to turn 26 i told you that when i turn 28 we need to plan what we want for us because if not then i think it’ll be better for us to go on our seperate ways” so he said “yes” I asked him what does he really want for the both of us and he said he doesn’t believe in marriage, he doesn’t wanna have kids and inside i was holding back my tears and i asked why? He said, he doesn’t see the benefit of being married and/or having kids he thinks that we are not capable of taking care of another human being, which is not true we are both stable even though we don’t have our own house yet, we will have a lot of help if someone needs to take care of our kids one day. I just started crying because I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Today, i cooked him another dinner and he loves it so we had our Part II of our conversation from yesterday, he was like, ” i felt like i took your prime years when we first started dating and I wanted you to be happy to have your own family if I can’t give you that then it will be best for you to leave me because I don’t want to leave you “ and I looked at him like, “are you serious”? He said, “yep if that what makes you happy and that’s what you wanted of course i will give it to you” but, in my mind and heart i wanted him to give me that family that I want. Then, all of a sudden he said, “what you wanna get married in the drive thru or something”? (We live in Las Vegas so that’s why he said that) I mean, i dont wanna force him as well to marry me if that’s something he doesn’t believe to.

I’m just so depressed about it, it’s like he is making me choose between, leaving him start fresh, find someone who’s going to give me that assurance and family

Or

Stay with him and just grow old together without us being married or children

💔

He says i have until before the year ends to think about it.

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First of all, I do appreciate all the comments and advices from all of you! Sorry I was not able to respond to any of them but I am keeping up to read them everyday.

Some of you were asking me why i stayed with this guy, the only answer i can say is because I was simply in love with him, but honestly we’re not been okay for close to 2 years now, i sleep in the living room and he sleeps in our room, he just doesn’t give any F about how i feel and i guess it was also my fault for staying, but i had enough and that’s why i am finally moving out next year it is sad knowing that you thought the person that stayed with you didn’t want to build a family around you, And I was in denial of being a victim of emotional abuse, because he would always tell me that i’m just faking being depressed and that it is all in my head.

Tbh, i know that there’s a lot of guys out there who would shower me with love and affection but i am scared i was scared that what if i leave him and i will find another man who’s even much worst than him and my thinking that time was, “nah its okay i can take all the words and constant emotional abuse as long as he doesnt cheat on me” I was wrong, i couldn’t.. i tried to end my life and still not even give a F about it. All those simple things that he’s supposed to be doing for me, everything comes with complaints. I am not allowed to feel tired after a long day of work, I am not allowed to rest, I am not allowed to buy what I want even if its food, picking me up at work and i will hear him say, “next time ur going to walk i will not pick u up” or a last minute decisions and would tell me, “dont fkng use my car idc how u will get to work” i just realized.. wow for 10 years i put my life for this person, i even learned how to cook, to clean properly so i can be a responsible wife and partner for him one day.

All these red flags came so early and i was not blind about it, I WAS JUST SCARED. And i kept on telling myself that maybe he will changed, he did not. Honestly, I felt like we already started moving on early and we are just cohabitating now so it’s really not hard for me to move forward, we haven’t said i love you that long that i already forgot that i am still in a relationship with this guy. I’m just scared to be alone i know it will be hard but i know it is for the best. And I appreciate everyone here.

Right now, our plan is he is going back over the road and will be doing that for 5 years and he says he will buy a house and live by himself. Me? I need to get a roommate save money and hopefully move to a different state, and just start fresh. Tbh, i am really excited i know im still here in this house with him but the relieve that i will be starting new next year excites me! I know that there’s going to be more opportunity and blessings will pour. In god’s grace i know i will be blessed with kids and a husband that i know i deserve!

Thank you ladies! ❤️

I finally know my worth ✨💪🏻