Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Question

I’m currently have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we have our ups and downs like everyone else. A couple nights ago I found that my ex passed away and I took it very hard. I cried all day and nights, I had to leave work early. Death is heart breaking in general but suicide is a big pill to swallow. I eventually told my boyfriend why I have been crying (we live together so I can’t find it for too long). He wasn’t upset but he just didn’t understand why I was emotional or what business I had with my ex. My ex and I were emotional toxic, we loved each other but the fights and the trust issues were bigger than us. Of course we went out separate ways but remained in contact ever so often. He’s always gonna be that ex i can be truly be friends with and wish him all the happiness in the world. I last spoke to him in February and he sounded happy. To be clear, my boyfriend was aware he wasn’t upset as long nothing else happened; nothing did. I’m still in shock and so sad that he’s no longer here. I love my boyfriend very much and I’m trying to consider his feelings, before him my ex was the one I can run to if I was ever in danger or needed a friend. My boyfriend is that now but I’m so sad at this time about all this. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How do I heal from this?

Answer

I think it's fine to mourn the loss of someone you knew, but considering he is an ex it shouldn't consume you. Especially if you're in a relationship and you were toxic with your ex. It does make it seem like there are more feelings there than you're letting on. So maybe take a couple of days to dwell on it, but then try shift the focus back to your current relationship.

Answer

My ex passed away on Wednesday. I've been with my husband for 4 years. I could not imagine not having his support while I grieve. Even if it is an ex. You at one point loved that person and they were a huge part of your life. You should be able to grieve how you need to. 
I personally grieved by having our best friend come over and get sloshed drunk until 3 am and then spent the following 2 days literally doing nothing but crying. I've spent every other day just listening to music and going through old pictures and videos. I could not imagine my husband coming to me and saying that I can't be grieving like this all because he's an ex. That suddenly I should stop feeling bc of that small factor. Bullshit. The love we shared was real, the moments we shared are forever etched into my mind, I can't not grieve for that person

Answer

Your not wrong. You should be free to feel however you need too. 
It’s okay to be sad about someone who you cared about even if it is an ex. 
It doesn’t seem like your boyfriend is that upset but at the same time i think you need to just tell him that your dad because it was someone who you cared about and was obviously a friend. 
I hope you heal quickly. Grief is so hard😭 there’s no right way to do it.

Answer

I'm going to get bad comments from this, but  I'll say it anyway 😂it's ok to be sad, but to cry for 2 days over an ex its not that OK. It was 2 years ago. I don't understand why are you tearing apart for this, that's why I understand your boyfriend. Past is past. It's sad that he commited suicide but in the same time it was your boyfriend 2 years ago

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

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