Anxiety. Seems to be getting worse

Today Christmas Day of all days my Anxiety ruled the day.

I have been managing it pretty well and staying on top of my tiggers. Today though was the hurricane of Anxiety.

Scheduling Christmas with family today was so hard. My kids didn't get naps, were up late the night before, and were overly stimulated.

When we arrived at my mom's house she broke a glass accidentally. Issue is she is paralyzed and she broke it all over the kitchen where the food was. So I was frantically cleaning glass throwing food away corralled dogs and kids out of the way. It took almost an hour to clean the amount of glass.

Meanwhile my mom then had a break down and admitted she hates her life and wants to die. So I'm now trying to remake food, calm her down, and keep my kids alive in a none childproof house with glass everywhere.

An hour into this I snapped. My poor husband didn't know what to do to help me. My mom stopped crying and tried to talk to me like nothing happened. All I simply told everyone is I am one person and I cannot do it all. At one point I needed to use the restroom and I thought there was going to be an argument because everyone was telling me what I need to be doing to remake dinner. I then told my mom I'm not in her shoes and I'm so sorry she is having a hard day but we can make the best of it. She just sobbed.

I was the last one to get a plate. I was the last one cleaning. Cooking. Rocking babies to sleep. Wiping everyone's tears. On our way home I was sobbing. I literally cannot fix anything ever. I am trying so hard to plan and have everything nice and it's not and worst is my mom rather not be alive.

I'm just having a tough time. I don't forsee any holiday not being like this and I want to badly to enjoy and celebrate.

I had to apologize to my husband because he thought I was just mad and I'm not I'm anxious. I'm in a constant panic on these days. I felt so bad he thought I was mad at him.

At this point I think it is situational and nothing to do with me. I am one person. I cannot take care of my kids who are 2 and 8 months old, my paralyzed mom, cook Christmas dinner, set a table, clean up glass, and be jolly. I want my mom to want to live and I can't make her. I am just overwhelmed.