No days off

I'm burned out. I've communicated about this morning till night. I'm the last one to sleep and the first one awake. I do the midnight feedings (still exclusively nursing) do all the cooking and cleaning. It being the holidays means I legit am running on empty. Mrs. Claus doesn't get a break. I do the shopping the wrapping the organizing the extra cooking the new recipes the cleanup. I'm burned out.

My husband had today off which is rare as he works 55 hour weeks. Any time off I get from the kids I'm helping my disabled mom. I never get a break. If I have grocery shopping, oil changes, post office, pharmacy have kids with me if I am in the bathroom I have kids with me if I have chores I have kids with me. I can go weeks without being away from my children.

Today my husband left early for a doctor's appointment. I am running off 4 hours of sleep. While he is gone I did two loads of laundry, dishes, and fed the children a homemade breakfast. He comes home hands me his phone and tells me to answer it he's going to snowplow. I said no I'm going to shower (haven't washed my hair in a week I don't get time.) He snaps and says it can wait but he can't miss his phone calls. I told him no I'm not his secretary. He then snapped and yelled "YOU COULD HELP ME!" I legit was in shock he doesn't understand what that word means. I told him "I'm not the help." I help him with everything but the fact I can't take care of my personal needs and I'm last on the totem pole is exhausting.

I am so tired of communicating and having talks about this but nothing can change. He has to work overtime I have to take care of everyone. Nothing changes. I have no family that can help. I feel so alone this time of year. I create magic for everyone and I just need 40 minutes to shower and untangle my hair.

Update

As I sit here rocking a baby I hear my husband hop into the shower. The shower I've not gotten in a week...I don't even have the words to fight about this anymore.