Idk what this is but any advice or tips are welcome.

I was a stay at home mom for a little over 5 years I have officially been back in the work force for 1 year. I like what I do but I hate being away from my kids. But financially we couldn't make it on one income any more. I still feel overwhelmed because I haven't found a balance between work and coming home to do house chores such as making dinner, washing clothes, etc. My husband was a only child and I truly believe his parents ruined him because I have to repeatedly ask for help or tell him what I need done. He can't just look at the trash can over flowing with trash and take it out. Or see a sink full of dishes and load the dish washer. I'm his wife not his mother and idk how to approach this with out him feeling like I'm complaining or harping on him. He works to and he works nights so I don't expect him to come home and stay up to clean the house but it's overwhelming feeling like the only time the house is clean is when I do it by myself. On a whole other note I put my self care on the back burner. I don't shower often enough I don't really take care of my teeth or other things that are normal self care and I'm not sure if it's because I'm stressed about the way my house is or if it's because I just feel like my self care isn't as important as everyone else's. I need friends I really don't have any. I probably could benefit from therapy but I wouldn't even know where to begin. Any other moms or women go through something like this??? I can honestly say I feel like I'm drowning and can't tell where to go to get out of the water.