Husband’s ultimatum

My husband has given me an ultimatum. I basically have to choose between him or my parents. My parents and I have a long history filled with emotional abuse (on their part). My husband came into my life at a time when their abuse was outrageous. They didn’t like him and abused me because of it. He was the one who taught me how to stand up for myself. Because of him, I put my foot down and had firm boundaries in place. I will note that one of my siblings left the family for good and it was because of them leaving that my parents straightened out (didn’t want to lose their remaining children). We haven’t had an incident in over 2 years while they both have been jumping through hoops to prove that things will be different moving forward. Granted, they are nowhere near perfect, and I will never let my guard completely down with them, but I am comfortable that I’ve done enough vetting to know they are safe people to be around. My days of crying over their antics are long behind me. I want to have minimal contact with them but my husband is adamant we cut them off for good. When we were no contact, I was in agony. It hurt my heart. My husband even said out loud how he knows all my inner child wants is some sort of relationship with my parents and that he understands.

The thing that makes things so complicated is that I have massive student loans that my husband cannot afford to cover. My parents are willing to cover me while I go back to school to pursue a career (I am currently a homemaker). We are close to being sued because we just can’t keep up with payments but he doesn’t care because he believes we can live off of his credit or buy things cash. I begged him to trust my judgment on this. I would never put myself or our children in danger. We don’t even live in the same city and they want one meeting this year, just to see the grandkids. A 1 hour lunch at most. Covid means we can make excuses the rest of the year. And I wouldn’t leave their sight. That’s all they’re asking and then our financial headache is gone. The money we save can go towards whatever we want: a house, dance lessons, vacations, college for the kids, whatever! But his pride won’t let him do that (by the way, he can stay home while I meet them). What happens if he dies tomorrow and I refuse that help?

So he didn’t use the d word exactly, but alluded to what would happen if I went to this lunch. He has been sulking and ignoring me since. Claims I’m just money hungry, looking out for myself and using my children as a pawn. What should I do?

Other than this, we have no problems. I’m floored he’s really ready to lose a good, quality woman over this.

Edit: I haven’t even gone yet and this is day 2 of him ignoring me/sulking.